Farmer Boy, as some of us lovingly refer to our friend, is the first adoptee that I really had a chance to know well. I met him at the local CUB support group at one of my very first meetings. He had searched for and found his birth mom and was just entering reunion when we met. Let’s call him “Fred” just so that I do not have to keep calling him “Farmer Boy” throughout this post!

Fred was struggling and in therapy when I first met him, and in a very difficult frame of mind. Unlike many adoptees, the adoptive family that he ended up with wasn’t really “perfect”- or even close. His parents were both nice professional people, but, somehow just weren’t such great parents. Mom was super strict, harsh and not particularly affectionate. Dad was a very rigid, overly demanding taskmaster. There were four children in the family (all adopted). Somehow none of them seemed to quite gain their parents’ approval or meet their expectations. Of the four, Fred is the only truly functional one as an adult, and also the only one still in contact with his adoptive mom.

Fred is a very touchy feeling, warm, down to earth kind of guy. Growing up in his home was a challenge for Fred. He was the "good" adoptee, but, still had a hard time as he never quite felt he measured up to his parents' expectations. As he was growing up, one of the main consistent interests of Fred's was a love of the earth. For reasons he did not quite understand, Fred kept planting corn in the side yard of the family home. Somehow planting corn in Southern California did not exactly seem quite right to his parents. They did not know what to think. His mom did not approve, and ripped up the rows of corn he planted nearly as fast as he could plant them. Fred always felt “different” growing up, like a misfit.

Though Fred’s parents encouraged him to enter college, he did not feel that he deserved that privilege. Besides, he had shown some interest in an agricultural college at one point, but,his parents discouraged that plan. Eventually, he found a career that he enjoyed that fit into the California lifestyle. He started a landscaping business.

Fred was 40+ when he finally decided to search for his birth family. His search and reunion story will follow in an upcoming post. It is an interesting tale!