I believed that growing up in another family, my son would be like "them" (his adoptive family, not like me or his birth dad). I believed that nurture would outweigh nature. As long as they loved and took good care of him, I thought that all would be well. In some ways, it has been. My son has had a good life, and so have I, mostly.

Nevertheless, I have discovered that adoption is not a experience that you never "get over" or heal from completely. It becomes a part of the fabric of your soul - a part of you. It is not “natural” to take a piece of your self, your own flesh and blood, and give your child to strangers to raise. Despite biblical precedents, it goes against nature, and even when you have achieved a certain degree of healing from it, adoption never truly leaves you or feels “right”.

Reunion helps to heal wounds, but, the years of separation still take a toll. Once an adoption happens, the loss is permanent, the scars and wounds are created. Even reunion is no magic resolution.

Family ties do matter - more than I ever realized. It matters enough that adoptees and birth parents spend vast amounts of time, money and energy trying to find their way back to each other. Separating babies and mothers is no simple easy solution. If that maternal-child bond was not significant, there would be no need for adoption searches. All adoptees would happily accept their new family and never have any need to know their past or their original families.

If that bond did not matter, birth parents would not be compelled to search and reunite with their children. We would be able to permanently sever that bond and never think of our children again. Few of us can stop loving and longing for our children though. The bond or connection survives despite all odds.

To Be Continued......................................