If you decide to search one route to take is to register with voluntary registries for natural parents and adult adoptees. This will let the adoptee know that you would like to be found. A registry is where you leave information about the birth of the child along with your contact information. The contact information should be updated if it changes for any reason.

When the adoptee is an adult he or she can also register with the registry. If what the adoptee knows about his or her birth matches the information the registry has about the natural mother the registry will release the natural parents current contact information to the adoptee and you could be contacted.

Some natural parents wonder if they should search. They worry that the adoptee may not be interested in hearing from their natural parent. They worry about the adoptive parents and how they will explain who you are to their family and friends. They worry about their own family and friends. They worry about the effects of a search will be on them. They worry about how they will deal with a long lost sister, brother, stepson, or stepdaughter and they worry about how will the adoptee fit in with their family.

It is always good to consider other peoples feelings but when deciding to search you own feelings are just as important. If you felt forced to relinquish your child to adoption and felt a lack of control over your and your child’s futures, searching is away for you to get back some of that control. If you feel a strong urge to search you should follow it as long as you undertake the search with some understanding how your son or daughter might react. The support system you create with your spouse, adult children, friends, therapist, or support group will help you deal with the reactions you get whether they are positive or negative.

The natural mothers who do search are willing to face whatever they might find out even if it’s the death of the child. The information learned may be very painful however, it is the truth and peace of mind will come with the pain. If you search and he or she wants no contact with you then you know you tried. There have been many natural mothers this has happened to and found that the process still helped them set aside their fantasies and accept their life situation with a more positive attitude.
During reunion is when you will finally get the answers to your questions. You can be sure the child knows why you relinquished him or her to adoption and you will learn how the child turned out. However, search and reunion doesn’t solve everything. It will not be like magic where your self esteem is restored or the guilt is erased, and it doesn’t make up for the time you didn’t spend together. These are issues that still need to be dealt with as well as other matters. Deciding how to spend time with your child after finding him or her and how to combine that relationship with your other family relationships can be a difficult thing.

It is also okay for natural parents to not search. Searching is just one way that some natural parents deal with their feelings. Dirck Brown who is a reunited adoptee and a therapist says “reunion promises no happy endings, only new beginnings, each with the promise that those involved may become more fully themselves.”