What kind of a baggage do birth mothers carry at reunion? Some are burdened more than others. It depends on the personality of the birth mother, her experiences and her ability to deal with loss. What do adoptess generally expect? An adoptee recently commented that after discovering how affected some birth parents are affected by adoption, he was questioning his desire to search. Since I devote a great deal of time and energy singing the praises of reunion, I found that comment somewhat disheartening.

It made me ponder what most adoptees expect to find at reunion. Do most adoptees fear a search because their birth mother might be too wounded and affected by their loss? Are there worries that a birth mother might be too damaged to be worth knowing? Are adoptees unaware that a reunion with a child can help a birth parent achieve tremendous healing?

Reunion does not “fix” anyone, but it can go a long way towards helping someone heal and achieve some resolution. But does the fear of finding a wounded and perhaps needy person, stop many adoptees? I hope not, but I do not really know for certain.

Do angry strident birth parent voices scare adoptees from searching? Are they afraid of encountering a birth parent full of anger and regret? Being angry and regretful may be only part of a person's life, but may not consume their entire life. Some people are able to maintain a degree of balance in life, despite any difficult challenges they might encounter.

Take me, for example - I am passionate and wear my feelings on my shoulder for all to see. That is the kind of person I am. In my writings, you will detect some anger and bitterness, why would you not expect that? I lost the opportunity to raise a son that I loved and wanted to parent, partially due to flawed information. For women who have not treated well by the secrecy and lies involved in many adoptions, why would anyone expect them to not be affected?