Adoptees arguably have a hereditary advantage: they are often the offspring of highly principled women. Think about it. Women who surrender their children to adoption have made two physically and emotionally strenuous decisions: to carry their babies to term and to give those babies away. Neither is easy, and doing the first makes the second all the more difficult. Maybe it's no wonder that McDaniels, who says his adoptive parents gave him the opportunities to become the man he is, turned out to have the resilience and ingenuity he has shown in his life and career. ~ Source: The Detroit News

The quote above reminds me of a comment Heather, the crisis pregnancy blogger, made recently in one of her posts.

It’s almost as though, if you have the presence of mind to think of your child’s best wishes ahead of your own, you probably also have it in you to be a good parent.

Many women who relinquish babies to adoption are indeed strong women who truly want what is best for their children despite the cost to themselves. My idea of a "good" mother is one who puts her child's best interests first - whether she is an adoptive or birth mom. I do think, however, that sometimes adoption facilitators prey on young women and insinuate that IF they loved their babies that they would give them to a family more stable, wealthier, older, etc. They "use" a mother's love for her child as a way to convince her to relinquish. Not in all instances, but sometimes.

I believe that it also takes great courage too though to parent a child. Especially when there is a great deal of negative pressure swirling around you to relinquish. At best, the decision is an enormously difficult one. However, a woman can be courageous for either decision - to parent or not. I feel that it is a point often overlooked.

Back to the story - I was very moved by all the complexities of Darryl's struggle during his journey to reconnect with his birth family. He had to balance his strong need to know his birth family and find answers, with his desire to not hurt his adoptive mom and family. That is often no small task.

There were times I wanted to talk to Darryl through the television screen and say, "You have the right to know, don't let anyone guilt you into believing otherwise." He figured that out himself though. I think they demonstrated well the conflict that many searching adoptees face. I feel strongly that as long as an adoptee approaches the situation with their adoptive family in a sensitive, careful manner, that is all that they are responsible for. Come to think of it, I already wrote a post to that effect!



I enjoyed watching his search and reunion. It was very emotional for me - the tears flowed - I was happy and sad at times. Seeing how important the journey was for DMC was good for me to see.

The grand and joyous smile on his face as he first spoke to his birth mom and found that she was receptive to him had me smiling big time too. The tears really flowed at that moment. I loved that she immediately acknowledged and embraced her son. That is how I feel that it always should be, but sadly, I know that it does not always happen that way.

I am glad for DMC that his story ended as he wanted it too. However, I was sad too as I watched knowing that at least one good friend of mine, is still waiting for his birth mom to open up, be in touch and get to know him. It will happen - I hope.

P.S. If you saw the show, several adoptees that I know were part of the first support group that met with DMC to talk with him.