In a healthy relationship there is no position of power and both individuals are genuinely interested in the others well being and so there is no reason to feel threatened, and there is no fear of attack. Both individuals can be open and honest in a safe environment where they are valued and cared for.

If you find yourself using guilt in your adoption reunion the answer to why you are doing it is in you and not the other person. You may want to ask yourself why you feel threatened? Is there something in the past that you can not forgive? Is there a good reason for you to be afraid? Do you have trouble trusting people? Do you suffer from low self esteem? Do you feel that the relationship is moving too quickly?

Once you have figured out why you may want to take some time to get to the root of your fear and ask yourself is this relationship worth it? Do I want to be in this relationship? What is holding me back?

If the other person is using guilt against you find out why you are allowing yourself to be treated this way. Adoption reunion isn’t suppose to make you feel small. If you have made a mistake in the past that doesn’t give the other person the right to punish you for it forever. It may mean that you can not be together but better to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship. This of course is in extreme cases of adoption reunion. If you feel that you deserve to be treated this way I hope that you will seek out a counselor to help you through this and help you to figure out why.

Any relationship is only worth being in if both persons are free to be who they are. You can not love or be loved properly in a situation where guilt is used against you. It can not last the long haul. Emotional intimacy in adoption reunion doesn’t happen because you are in a relationship with someone. Intimacy, like trust, has to be built. It takes conscious choices and effort from all individuals involved and the result is definitely worth it.