In understanding guilt I think the first thing you have to ask yourself is what things specifically are bothering you the most. Guilt shouldn’t be ignored or pushed down but rather talk about your guilt until you can let it go.

I believe that when guilt is an issue it is important to accept the fact that you did the best you could and realize that living is a balance. There isn’t room for blaming yourself for things that you did not know or could no t change.

Forgiveness is another important factor when dealing with guilt. You may need to ask for forgiveness. I am sure that there is no one that wants you to continue to suffer from guilt or grief. You may want to try writing your thoughts and feelings of guilt.

Living life to the best of our ability is all we can do. Finding a purpose or meaning in your life by helping others. Volunteer and give back some time to the adoption community. In helping others you help yourself.

There are some things in life that are beyond handling. No one is the perfect parent, partner, or friendship. This isn’t even a realistic capability. Doing your best in life is what is important. A person’s best may vary from day to day depending on life’s other pressures and involvements.

When we suffer a loss we initially feel guilty and for some guilt lessens with effort on the persons part and with time. With adoption though, the relinquishment of a child or the loss of a parent, family, etc doesn’t seem to ease for many. Many have not gone through the grieving process.

Dealing with grief is a healing process. When there is a death of a loved one or someone you are close to it is normal to experience acute grief which progresses. If may begin with shock and disbelief and be followed by anger, guilt, fear, sorrow, and depressions. These feelings are steps along the journey of grief and help the person grieving to learn to accept the loss and learning to live with it.

However, with the loss of a child through adoption, society hasn’t always recognized this as a loss. Therefore, the natural mother wasn’t allowed or able to grieve. She was told to forget about it and move on with her life. Some found ways to deal with the grief and others pushed it down for many years but eventually the lid can’t be held down anymore. This often happens when the adoptee searches and makes contact with the natural mother.