At some point in my life I was able to figure out that my existence shamed my natural mother by being born. I felt guilty about being born and that I caused pain to my natural mother. I didn’t know how to correct that and after a while thought that I was relinquished to adoption because I was so bad that there was no other option.

When my natural mother gave me away I love a live mother. I felt this loss as a young child yet I wasn’t comforted for this loss. I was a child and this loss didn’t count. Society didn’t really get it either because their thoughts were that I didn’t know my natural mother so I have no right to feel loss, I had parents and should be grateful.

Wouldn’t others in society comfort someone else who lost their mother by no fault of their own. When I realized this I can remember feeling that I was not able to recognize, understand, and feel the most profound loss a human being could sustain.

All at the same time, I had to represent to society that I had a healthy internal representation of myself and the world which didn’t want or wouldn’t acknowledge my loss.

Bottom line is that the adoptee (all adoptees from the closed adoption era) had no say and no rights if you look at the scenario from this point of view. Don’t you think this makes the adoptee feel obliged or pressured? Do you think that the adoptee would fell as if love is conditional or that they are conditioned to hide their own feelings.

If you read regularly, you know that we are in the process of adopting a baby. I am obviously not against adoption. Adoption is not always the wrong choice for a child but children need to better understood. Children are human beings and deserve respect and recognition as human beings with their own thoughts and feelings.

From a natural mothers perspective during the closed adoption era, I would think that most would say that they were young, unwed, pregnant, and weren’t given a choice and that adoption was their only alternative.

Some natural mother s may say that they felt defective because they couldn’t forget their babies. They often times were told to forget about this baby, grow up, get married, and have lots more babies.

The number of closed adoptions may not be as high as they were decades ago but they still do exsist as an option in the adoption process. I just hope that the natural mothers are not told the same things and now that the professional are aware of the effects of adoption are handling these situations in a different way.