One of the challenges of reunion is figuring how each other fits into your life. In any relationship communication is important and that also goes for those who are in reunion. It is important to touch base with one another even if you need space, or to pace yourself. There is a need to have an understanding of frequency of communication. It is so important to not only be ware of your own feelings but also the feelings of the other person. Without touching base, the other person is left guessing, perceptions, and assumptions that can effect the relationship.
I think one of the most common fears is that the other person is going to end the relationship or the relationship will end. The thought process is that if it can happen once it can and will happen again. It is important to speak about how you feel and learn to trust the other person. It is important to set boundaries and maintain them. On the other hand, there may also be times that you feel like you are taking a risk in the relationship.

Sometimes the misunderstanding can occur when needs and intentions in a reunion relationship when one expects more from the relationship than the other. The phrase actions speak louder than words can make one think or analyze a situation for meaning and misinterpret the whole thing. If you communicate with one another these things are less likely to occur.

Some difficult questions that can come up in reunion are:

What to call the natural mother?

Will all family members know about the relationship?

Will the natural mother meet the adoptive parents?

Where and with whom will the holidays be spent?

All of these questions can be answered and worked through by communicating with the other person. One way to ease any anxiety you may be feeling about talking to the other person is to role play with another triad member or a close friend or family member.
Healing is part of reunion. I found a grave and it wasn’t’ the easiest thing for me but knowing is better than not knowing. I feel more whole knowing what I know.

Reunion is breaking down the wall of secrecy and shame that has been a part of the closed adoption era for decades. I think many of us who have traveled the adoption search and reunion road know how damaging and hurtful family secrets can be. Honesty and openness eliminates the need for search and reunion in adoption. However, for those of us in the closed adoption era, honesty and openness in reunion is a process of healing.