An experience that I have had recently made me thing about the vulnerability that those searching put themselves in when posting on the internet, in guest books, registries, or posting to message boards. I would like to see everyone out there searching to be careful but always be yourself. Surround yourself with reputable groups and people in the adoption community and always seek out ethical search options.

During your search, no matter what part of the triad you are, there are some cautions that I think that each of us need to take. A majority of the folks in the adoption community are on the up and up but there have been circumstances of where a triad member has been scammed to believe that they were contacted by the person they were searching for.

One thing that you, the searcher, can do to protect yourself if you are searching on line is to get an email address used only for adoption search. Use this email address to register with adoption registries, signing a guest book, or posting to a message board.

As a rule of thumb, never give out your home or work phone numbers and addresses to any person that says they are the person you are searching for until there is confirmation of a match. You may want to think about keeping this information as “private”. If it is public information, anyone on the internet can obtain the information.

I have always made the suggestion to withhold a piece of information in order to confirm a match. I know an adoptee that had a medallion that was given to him by his birth mother. He did not share that information with anyone and when he found his birth mother, she asked about the medallion and recognized it immediately, and broke down into tears. Another adoptee I know had a photograph of his birth mother from when she graduated high school. That is how they confirmed their match. Some other ideas of information to with hold would be birth marks, or distinguishing features.

In the world today, we also have to worry about identity theft. So you want to neverR provide anyone information that can be used for this purpose. A few examples of this information would be your mother’s maiden name, date of birth, and most importantly your social security number.

A sign of being scammed is hardship stories such as the car broker down, the furnace broker, I have no money, and many other examples exist. NEVER send money!

I think that it is important to keep accurate and detailed records of your search. Always write down in your journal or three ring binder, the full name, address, and phone number of the people that you talk to regarding your search. This applies to not only people you contact but for people that contact you regarding your search.

If the person who is claiming to be the person you are searching for is who they say they are, they will want to prove their identity to you. There is nothing wrong with asking for them to fax you or send you a copy of their drivers license or evidence of who they say they are. If you are going to have them fax it, remember to use a commercial fax number and if mailing it, try to always provide a PO Office Box.

Another way to protect yourself is to no agree to a face to face reunion until confirmation of a match has been made. This includes purchasing airline tickets for yourself or the person you are contacted by. In fact, do not make any travel arrangements for a face to face reunion until after a confirmation of a match has been made.

People can’t fear something that we don’t know and fear is something from our own insecurities. Use common sense and arm your self with knowledge and you will be able to avoid being scammed. If you are scammed, remember that you re strong enough to deal with it.