Part 1 ended up focusing more on what birth parents at reunion are not entitled to receive, rather than what they are. However, I think it is important to know both.

As for a relationship after being found, that is something that you cannot legislate. Although I encourage at least one meeting between the parties, you cannot force a relationship. If an adoptee or birth parent who is found refuses to form a relationship, you cannot force them to connect with each other. It is helpful to realize that a relationship is a privilege, and not a foregone conclusion to which you are entitled.

There are a few rights that birth parents are entitled to receive at reunion:

1. To be treated with the same common decency and respect as any other person. If an adoptee is angry towards their birth parent, it is okay to express those feelings in a healthy manner. However, it is not acceptable for an adoptee to treat a birth parent in an abusive and/or cruel manner.

2. To be acknowledged as a parent to the adoptee. This includes not being introduced to others as "a friend". While the relationship between a reunited adoptee and birth parents make seem like a friendship, it is unfair not to acknowledge the parental connection. To do otherwise may appear to negate the motherhood of a birth mother. Even when a parent does not raise a child, they are still one of their mothers or fathers. This does not include the right to be called “mom, “dad” or other parental titles.

Nearly anything else is not a right, but an earned privilege. Some birth parents expect visits, presents, quick responses and trust from their relinquished child. All those kinds of items must be earned, but are not owed to birth parents. It might sound as though I feel that birth parents at reunion have almost no rights - I do not believe that they do.