Take a look at the little boy in this photo. Try to imagine that this cute little tyke was yours. Would you want to know him even if someone else had raised him?

I know many birth moms who have searched for their children. They were determined to locate their children, and felt strongly that they had every right to do so. However, I know even more birth moms who did not search. They felt as though they had no right to do so and were afraid to search.

Many adoptees express the sentiment that if their birth family wanted to know them, they would find them. However, this is what many birth moms have said to me about searching:

 I was told that I have no right to search and should instead wait for my child to search;
 I was told that it would disrupt my child’s life for me to find him/her;
 I was told that it was selfish for me to search;
 I was told that if I really loved my child that I would not interfere in his/her life now;
 I am afraid that my child will hate me;
 I have never told any one about my relinquished child and am afraid that people would reject me if they knew I had relinquished a child to adoption;
 I do not want to disturb my child’s life;
 I am afraid that my child will not want to know me; and
 I was told that at age 18, my child would be given all my contact info.

From the comments that appear above, I think it gives you a clear indication as to why many birth moms do not search.

Therefore, I recommend that if you are an adopted person, and wish contact with your birth family, that you conduct a search. Since sometimes both parties are waiting for the other party to search. It is for that reason that I suggest to both parties that they search.

Searching is a bold and sometimes scary act to undertake. There are risks involved, but great rewards are possible as well.