The prefix of birth, although the most commonly used and accepted in the adoption community there are some who feel it is not respectful to whom it is applied. If I am understanding correctly, these women feel that the term “birth mother” reduces their motherhood to an event in time which ended at the child’s birth and their significance and the term “biological mothers” reduces their level of unfeeling donors of genetic material. The reality is that these women never stop feeling like their child’s mother and no legal event can change that.

In the blog I wrote back in April titled Respectful Adoption Language located at http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/respectful-adoption-language. A comment was recently posted there by a member who included a writing of Sandy Young nor do I know the source of this quote from our commenter but thought that that she explains that reasons thought process behind those who wish to be referred to as “first mothers”.

Sandy Young uses the analogy of an amputee and the terminology used to refer to him or her as a person who has suffered an amputation. She also uses the analogy of a teenager acting silly and someone tells them they are being called “so gay”. Ms. Young is saying that “first person” language should be used in the adoption community when referring to the women who relinquished their child to adoption. I believe her point is that these women should be identified as the person they were before the adoption took place and not be defined by their condition. Ms. Young states in her writing “Isn’t calling that woman a “birth mother” defining her by the event of the birth of her child and the subsequent loss of adoption, and eliminating her personhood, her motherhood, her humanity, utterly.”

There are several who prefer the term “natural mother”. As an adoptee, this is the term that I am the most comfortable with at this point in time in my life. How I came to this conclusion is that the term states exactly what it says. These women are the mothers that nature intended for their child. No offense is intended nor should be taken. I realize that some may say that the opposite of natural mother is an unnatural mother however, I don’t believe that. In my thought process, the opposite of natural mother is adoptive mother.

I have chosen to use the term natural mother when writing and speaking because I feel it respects the preferences of those being named and is a true reflection of reality. I am not telling anyone what to call yourselves, and no one can or should tell others what they should call themselves. Triad members are not inanimate objects to be defined by others.