A majority of those in the adoption community are fighting for truth and along comes someone like the organizers of this conference who want Betty Jean Lifton to expunge the term birth mother from her speech at a conference because there are people in the audience who find it offensive. Betty Jean’s books, all of them, use the word birth mother as do almost all other respected writing on adoption. After all, wasn’t she initially invited as a keynote speaker based on her writings?

As I have said before, Betty Jean Lifton has incorporated the word birth mother into her work for years. I believe she was invited to speak, based on what she has written. It makes no sense to expect her to censor her own vocabulary in order to conform to what others want. If other presenters have chosen to not use the words birth mother for the conference, that is their choice, just as it was Betty Jean Lifton's choice to state her own conditions when it was not stipulated in the original agreement that the term birth mother was verboten.

In addition, the term birth mother is used all the time by attorneys, adoption agencies, the states, the courts, adoption reform groups, lobbyists, social workers, psychologists, Google, AAC, CUB, NCFA, BN and the media. Was Betty Jean Lifton afforded the Freedom of Speech? Wasn’t she just standing up for her rights?

Reviewing the conference promotion information, which is presented as a typical touchy-feely adoption conference it includes many medical issues, therapists, and therapeutic jargon. There are no language requirements listed and no threats of exclusion posted in the program, and no warnings about “oppressive or offensive language” in the call for proposals sent months ago. It is a shame, because if it would have it would have saved Betty Jean Lifton and many others who are genuinely interested in adoption support and change, their time, and airfare.

In writing this and mulling over everything I think that what the majority are not getting is that no one is telling others what one should or should not be called, whether you are a mother who lost a child to adoption or an adopted person. The bottom lines is that as an adoptee, it is your right to decide what any mother chooses to call herself or not. This is something that is between the adoptee and their birth mother. Sure we all have an opinion, but that all it is, an opinion. Others don’t make the decision for some women to choose or choose not to call themselves. Opinions shouldn’t be pushed or required of others and this boils down to respect.