There are many search angels out there and I applaud each and everyone for the amount of time they volunteer to the search efforts that they do. On the flip side though I have seen search angels doing all the searching and making contact and then things go up in some because it was all done for them.

It is so important that triad members searching be involved in their own search and not just turn it over to a search angel. The reason I say this is because it helps the person who is searching to be aware of what is involved and appreciate the work the wonderful search angels provided. It also keeps the anticipation level at a high. In addition, I think it is safe to say that if you aren’t willing to at least participate in your search you are probably not ready to search.

I recently read a story on an online mailing list where a search angel did a search for her sister in law. She was searching for her natural son. The sister in law knew that the search angel was involved in the adoption community and approached the search angel out of curiosity. It seemed to me in reading the story that she didn’t have the deep down yearning that so many of us have. The search took only a few days and the natural son was found.

When the natural mother was told by the search angel that her son had been found her first thoughts were about money. The words that came out of her mouth were “I wonder if he has money”. And then, “Oh no, I wonder if he wants money!”. I could tell in the post that the search angel was shocked and her response was that this isn’t about money and asked the natural mother what she wanted to do.

The natural mother choose to make contact through her nephew who lived close by to the natural son. This young man went to the adoptees home, knocked on his door and asked the basic questions of were you born on such and such date at such and such hospital and were you adopted? The adoptees response to all questions was yes so the young man who knocked on the door handed him the search angels name and phone number and told him that this search angel knew who his natural mother was. I want to reiterate here that the way contact was made was with the permission of the natural mother.

The adoptee phoned the search angel and was so excited. As it turn out he was married, lived in a nice home and was willing to have contact with his natural mother. With the adoptees permission the search angel gave the natural mother all the adoptees contact information. The natural mother never made a phone call. She never made contact with her son.

A few weeks later the adoptee phoned the search angel. The search angel ended up apologizing for disrupting his life and that his natural mother had gotten cold feet.

The bottom line here is that people need time to mentally prepare for making contact. When it happens to fast the person initiating the search gets cold feet by not being involved and needs time to digest new information.