The majority of birth parents from closed adoptions do not search. Adoptees search in greater numbers than birth parents do for a number of reasons. Many of the birth moms that I know who were found have no other children. The reasons for that are varied. Secondary infertility is said to be higher in birth mothers than in the general population. Some birth mothers do not believe that they deserve a second chance at motherhood, so they do not allow themselves to get pregnant a second time.

For first/birth mothers who did not raise other children, reunion may present some different challenges. If a birth mom's child has children, it might be more difficult for her to know how to relate to them if she has not raised any children. This certainly is not the case for all mothers without other children.

Being found is an event that brings up so many differing feelings. Many birth parents long for reunion and are overjoyed to be found. Even those who want reunion may be stunned at first at being found. Others never dared to dream of reunion, but are generally happy to be found as well. So many emotions spring forth at reunion.

How birth parents react at reunion is a reflection of their lives at that time of their life. If a birth parent is in a good place in life at reunion, it may help them deal with the stress of a reunion. On the other hand, if a birth parent has an unstable life, they may be unable to handle the rigors of a reunion.

If birth parents refuse contact, it generally has little to do with any feelings for their child. Many other factors are in play, but a rejection does not mean that a birth parent does not care about their child. It more likely indicates that the birth parent is not strong enough to risk a reunion.

Reunions are difficult even for the strongest people. It is an extremely scary risk that most birth parents can and do take. However, the sad fact is that not all birth parents have the strength to risk loving and embracing them child back into their lives.

Some people say that not all birth parents want reunion. I believe that is more about not feeling capable of handling reunion or being brave enough to take the risk rather than not really wanting to reunite. Fear prevents some birth parents from attempting reunion. Although most birth parents are thrilled to be found, reunion is still very difficult. Some birth parents are simply not ready, willing or able to take the risk that a reunion presents.