I was thinking about how many of the readers are in reunion. Some may have had some contact. Some may have met face to face. Some may correspond frequently or see each other regularly. You may have distance that separate you. No matter what the case, reunions for one or both may feel like you are learning what you need to or want to know.

I have been involved in the adoption community since I was 18 and you can’t imagine how many times triad members have said to me how the other person isn’t giving them what they need. A result being that the person feeling this way looses patience.

I am always surprise that the most direct method of getting what they want isn’t ever mentioned. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is as simple as being honest. Honestly asking for what you want.

What I have realized is that a lot of people don’t know how to ask for what they want and they are then disappointed when they don’t get it.

Here are some suggestions to help you ask or to make asking easier.

1. Write your thoughts about what you want. Don’t censor it, just write it.

2. After you complete the task above, walk away and take a thirty minute break and come back with a clear head. Re read what you wrote and find the top three things you want to ask.

3. Frame these things into a simple sentence. For example, “I would like to know who my natural father is.”; “I would like to know why I was relinquished to adoption” or I would like to know what you childhood was like.” These questions in my opinion don’t need to be long, justified, or have apologies attached to them.

4. Make contact with the person for the purpose of asking and ask.

Finding the answers to what you want to know is important to you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here reading. So, let’s treat it that way. Hinting about what you want to know or beating around the bush isn’t going to get the point across.

Take a look at your reunion. Is there something in it that you feel you need to ask? If so, why don’t you? You might find out that you do get what you ask for.