As a child growing up within a traditional, middle class family in the South, anger was always considered a negative emotion. Anger was something that you were to make great efforts to avoid. Being angry was unpleasant to see in others, unproductive and even scary to me. Therefore, as I grew up, I tried to muffle my anger when it surfaced. This was sometimes difficult as I was a somewhat strong-willed child at times. I know, hard to believe, right?

However, mostly I was successful in wearing a broad happy-looking smile on my face the majority of the time. Even now, I generally have a sunny disposition and am not prone to bouts of depression or moodiness. For me, as a professed “Daddy’s Girl”, I knew the power of my smile. Therefore, I pasted that smile on and perpetually seemed happy whether I may really have been feeling that way or not. Being a smiling happy child worked for me, and it mostly worked for me as an adult.

Then came reunion. Reunion has been a major source of growth for me, and has taught me a great deal. Like many reunited birth moms, I went through a period of time that I was seething with anger and felt consumed by it. I was angry at myself, at society, at the person who arranged for my son’s adoption, at the social worker who did not question my decision, at my son’s birth dad, and at adoptive parents in general just for who they were.

After so many years of beating down any anger I felt, I finally decided that I needed to let it live and allow myself to experience it.

To Be Continued......................................