Eventually being so angry became very unhealthy, and I decided that I needed to find productive ways to defuse some of the anger. I still was unaware that anger would ever be considered a positive and appropriate emotion at times. One day I was attending a one-day workshop given by adoption therapist, adoptee and author, Marlou Russell called the “Lifelong Affects of Adoption”.

At the beginning of the workshop, we went around the room explaining why we were attending, our positions in the triad, and what we hoped to gain from her talk. I recall saying that I was a birth mother, was angry and needed to find some resolution. Marlou is a woman of infinite wisdom, and I have great respect for her work in adoption. When I mentioned being angry, she quietly commented that sometimes anger can be a productive emotion used in the right way.

I look at my anger when it surfaces now in a different light. While I obviously try to find productive and healthy outlets for my anger when it pops up, I no longer consider anger a wholly negative emotion. I know that my anger now can be useful. Instead of allowing my anger to control me and adversely affect my life, I use my anger for positive purposes. My anger now spurs me on to reform those parts of adoption that I believe with every inch of my being need to be changes. I use my anger to fuel my activism to accomplish the goals that I have developed for myself. Anger motivates me to continue fighting the good fight.

As I age, I embrace my anger and understand that older people eventually lose their "fire and spit passion". However, I have decided to fight as long and hard as I am able. I no longer fear anger, but, I am thankful that it exists to motivate me to work towards some needed reforms in adoption. I hate the way that I became involved with adoption, however, it is my truth, and part of my reality. I cannot change my reality. However,I can make positive choices as to how I deal with my life and find productive ways to channel my anger. Anger can be a positive force to spur us on, and I no longer fear the emotion.