I have been to the point in my life where I was searching for understanding about myself.

I did a lot of soul searching for why I am and who I am and how I got to the place that I am today.

The experience of adoption has had a very large impact on where I am in my life today.
The book “The Other Mother” by Carol Schaefer opened my eyes. It helped me initiate a search for my natural family and figure out why I had let or allowed others control me, why I had a difficult time making decisions and why I would hold onto everything so tight.

I never really was angry with my natural mother or for that matter even society. At least not to a point where it affected my daily life. My natural mother who made the choice to relinquish me to adoption did the best she could at the time. We will never know if it was the “right thing” Our lives both would have been different and took a different course if she wouldn’t have made the decisions she did when she got pregnant out of wedlock. As an adult she took responsibility for that and to blame society or others for the circumstances surrounding my conception would not be healthy.

The things that my natural mother through positive or negative were not mistakes. I don’t believe that I was a mistake. So, if you are angry, directing at other can be harmful by making someone go backwards instead of forwards.

As of late, I have seen a lot of hostility and anger on mailing lists, amongst support groups, and other triad members. It is easy for all of us to be victims if we let ourselves to be victims. It is so easy to get caught up in the trivial details that can be debated in a variety of ways and viewed in a variety of ways depending what part of the triad you are a member of.

There was a time in my life that I took “everything” very personally and that caused much grief in my life however now, I try to see the bigger picture. Working through the anger and being respectful of life, not judging others, and finding clarity and balance is what I have strived for in my life. I have learned to be the best that I can be and to make my own choices and be responsible for myself.