The son I raised saw me several times shortly after reunion, and I was definitely not myself. I tried to put up a "brave front", but, I do not hide my feelings well. Tears were often staining my cheeks. I was sad, quiet and reflective - on a good day. On a bad day, I was either a zombie or worse. Therefore, his initial thoughts about reunion were negative. Unfortunately, he has not shifted from that view.

He did not understand what many people do not comprehend about reunion. Reunion itself is not chiefly responsible for the anguish that many people experience when family members reconnect. It is closed adoptions that are the culprit. For many of us, we only face the harsh realities of our losses at reunion. It is somewhat ironic, but, we face and deal with our loss as our children are coming back into our lives.

For most birth mothers reunion can be a confusing time. Unless we have done a great deal of reading, we may not understand why we have such conflicting happy and sad feelings at reunion. Reunion is supposed to be a joyous occasion, and it is that. However, it is also a bittersweet experience. It forces us to finally make peace with the past. We also must face the realities of the future, both of which are difficult. In a sense we have our children "back", but, we will never regain the past. Our futures with them are uncertain as well. Whatever relationship we are able to build at reunion with our children will never be what it might have been - a painful reality.

What others do not always understand though is the peace and resolution that reunion brings many of us. They fail to understand the sense of closure, and the relief at releasing the burden of holding in a secret. Reconnecting with our children is joyous. Reunion does not solve all the woes of closed adoptions, but, it is an experience that I would not trade for the world.