Triad members generally have some concept of the potency of adoption reunions. Although even some triad members are perplexed by the behavior of birth parents and adoptees during reunion. The experience is a complex and intricate one.

I recently reflected on whether those around me might consider reunion a positive or negative experience. Part of my musings on this topic came after a discussion with my boss about how much I changed at work during reunion. From an employer's point of view, I know that he probably has some serious doubts as to how positive reunion was for me.

The truth is that reunion is a very complicated experience that must be dissected to be understood. It is different for each of us as well. My boss observed that I changed as far as my productivity at work and my concentration. He watched me transform from a stable, efficient employee to one who was often weepy, less attentive, and had difficulty concentrating.

Granted, I entered reunion and menopause simultaneously, so that magnified some of my issues. There was a time in early reunion that it was hard to determine whether some of my problems were related to reunion or menopause! Not that it mattered really; I still had to find ways to cope and resolve my issues.

Reunion and menopause together created raging unstable hormones and sleepless nights. Both led to creating a hyper-sensitive and less productive employee. Though I did not miss any time at work, I sometimes was there only in spirit. My mind was focused on my son and trying to get to know him, and build a relationship with him. I was also facing the past and grieving; that was the hardest part.

As my boss and I were chatting recently, he remarked that for awhile, "We wondered what on earth had happened to you." It wasn't that I kept being found a secret from my bosses. They just had no clue as to how deeply affected I was.

Neither did they realize, like so others, that reunion often transports women back to the time of relinquishment. All the painful emotions from relinquishment often surfaces at reunion for birth parents. Adoptees have told me that it brings up a lot for them as well. While reunion ultimately brings peace and healing, it first causes us to face our issues.


To Be Continued...................................