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Before I talk about that brief exchange with the adoption attorney at the conference, I will share some of what I learned (or had reinforced)about searching at the conference;
1) “You can run, but you cannot hide”. Marilyn Waugh, a talented searcher who presented two of the sessions that I attended, made this comment that at the beginning of one of her presentations. She stressed that the majority of people leave paper trails. “Even without a name,” she said, “you can generally find someone.”
2) She spoke about using Confidential Intermediaries (CIS) for the first contact. The main consensus is that for most people, it is generally better if you can make that first call yourself. I did mention that for me, I was so stunned when the social worker called, that in my situation, I was somewhat glad that she called first. If you live in a state with the CI system, and you have arranged for a CI to conduct the search, you have no choice. That was the case for my son. By law, the CI had to call me first to make certain that I wanted contact.
3) Even with a common last name like Smith or Jones, it is possible to find someone. There are a wide variety of ways to do so. I will talk about more of them later.
4) To check the accuracy of a data base that you may be using, try it on family members. On one data base, my husband is listed as being 101 years old, on another, 106. Most have his correct age. People who are no longer alive are on data bases as well.
4) Many searches are resolved without the use of expensive data bases that charge for their information;
5) There are many dedicated and willing volunteers who will gladly assist others in an adoption search.
6) Adoptive parents are beginning to understand and respect their adult children’s needs to search. Some are advocating for open records.
7) Professionals in some agencies are trying to educate themselves about the dynamics of search and reunion. This may not be news to some of you, but, it was positive for me to meet some people within agencies who believe in reunions. I knew there were some, but…..
To Be Continued
