The final blog in this series is about how the seven core issues in adoption affect the adoptive parents.

The first is loss and adoptive parents equate infertility with the loss of self and immortality. The adoptive parents may have issues of entitlement which can lead to the fear of loss of the child and overprotection.

The second is rejection. Some adoptive parents may fear being ostracized because of procreation difficulties. They may use their partner as a scapegoat and expect rejection. Some may expel adoptee to avoid anticipated rejection.

The third is guilt and shame. The adoptive parents may feel shame of infertility and may believe childlessness is a curse or punishment. Some may feel that it is a religious crisis.

The fourth is grief. The adoptive parents must grieve the loss of “fantasy” child and deal with the unresolved grief that may block attachment to the adoptee. Some may experience the adoptee’s grief as rejection.

The fifth is identity and some adoptive parents may experience a diminished sense of continuity or self or that they are not parents.

The sixth is intimacy and the unresolved grief over losses may lead to intimacy and/or marital problems. Some may avoid closeness with the adoptee to avoid loss.

The seventh and final is control. The adoption experiences may lead to “learned” helplessness and a sense of mastery linked to procreation.

The seven core issues in adoption are expected issues that evolve throughout the adoption process for all triad members. Things have changed a great deal since the closed adoption era and the approach has been more open and cooperative practices. These issues still exist. As long as there is adoption there is always going to be issues. The practices of how adoptions are facilitated may change but the reality is that in order for a family to have a child through adoption another family looses a child to adoption.