One of the reasons that I first came to the forums at adoption.com was so that I could learn more about adoptive moms. I believe that some important changes need to occur in adoption, and that unless birth and adoptive moms unite, these changes will not occur.

Being on the forums has helped me get to know and understand some adoptive moms. Just like birth moms, adoptive moms are a varied lot. Their ideas on adoption and reunion also can be vastly different as well. However, I think in general that many of us do have similar expectations and fears. Many of us approach reunion in the same manner as well. I would like to think that if adoptive parents understood birth parents better, they would fear them less at reunion.

Some fears that adoptive parents are based on the love that parents feel for their child. They do not want any harm to come to their child. Others fears may have more to do with the adoptive parents themselves.

Here are some of the worries that I have heard adoptive parents express when facing their child's reunion. They may worry that:

 My child's birth parents may reject my child and hurt them;

 They (My child’s birth family) may be a bad example or a negative influence on him or her.

 My child will like them better than me;

 I will have to “share” my child;

 My child’s birth parents will try to reclaim my child;

 My child doesn’t love me anymore;

 The birth parents will try to turn my child against me.

 My child’s need to reunite means that I did something wrong; (It may mean that you did something right).

 My child will want to spend more time with them than me;

 My child may find out some painful horrible details about its conception or its birth family;

 My child isn’t strong enough to handle reunion;

 Reuniting with birth family indicates that my child is ungrateful;

 It will be stressful for my child to have to deal with birth family;

 Reunion might turn out badly for my child;

 My child might like his birth family so much that he/she doesn’t need me anymore.

Although some of these fears overlap; I included them anyway. I think it is important to see them in print in slightly different ways as you may identify more with one phrasing than another. Any other adoptive parents' fears that I have missed here?