It is funny how defensive some adoptive parents can be. I have a cousin whose daughter is adopted. This young adult (mid-late 20’s) is struggling in life. She has a lot of pain which is obvious. I have tried to talk to her adoptive parents about it several years ago and attempted to steer the discussion on the adoption side of things. I thought that I would try and explain the “primal wound” and that immediately turned the conversation off. She was adamant that her daughter didn’t have a problem with adoption and she was just having a difficult time with life and that she is seeing a therapist and looking into medical treatments. She just didn’t get the “adoption issue” thing.

That conversation was several years ago and have chosen not to bring the subject up again. However, the adoptee is still having a difficult time. I don’t get how some parents aren’t even willing to consider “adoption issues”. I am not saying that every issue an adoptee has is related to adoption because I know it isn’t however I do believe that the are some things that can be attributed to adoption at least in part.

Adoption search isn’t about the adoptive parents. It is often the adoptive parent who think and will say that their child won’t ever be like that or that my child doesn’t have those problems or my child doesn’t need to know any of that. Why? These questions or issues aren’t about the adoptive parents and their needs but rather it is about a part of their truth. Why can’t some people just see that?

Adoption might not play a big part in some adoptees lives. Some may not have many of the issues listed in the Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier but wouldn’t it be best for adoptive parents to spend less time denying it and actually look?

The other phrase I have heard adoptive parents say is “well you shouldn’t feel that way”. That really doesn’t change the way the adoptee feels and makes them realize the can’t talk about it with you.

On the flip side, of this I have seen adoptees afraid to talk with their adoptive parents and when they did their adoptive parents supported them. Sometimes you just need to have a little faith or at least the strength.