When a natural parent has lost a child to adoption she may feel guilt, shame, bitterness, anger and depression. You may feel that you found out too late that adoption did not deliver its promise to keep you free from difficulties and trapped you with a burden to silently bear.

One thing about the adoption community is that we all have thoughts about what our lives would be like if adoption hadn’t touched us. The thing is that within the adoption community we all seem to know each others feelings and where they have stemmed from.

Some may enjoy live search and support group meetings. Some have learned and realized at these meetings that because we know something about each other, we are accepted and forgiven by everyone in the room.

Some of the common reactions to dealing with a trauma in our lives such as adoption loss are emotional, physical and mental. Some of the emotional responses may be, but are not limited to, shock or numbness, anger toward others who were involved in the adoption, fear, depression, guilt, frustration, sadness, felling vulnerable, and feeling alone.

Some of the physical responses may be, but are not limited to, change in sleep patterns, change in appetite, shallow, rapid breathing, dizziness, headaches, muscle tension, increased heart rate, and stomach upset.

Some of the mental responses may be, but are not limited to, confusion, difficulty in concentrating, difficulty remembering details of the adoption or giving birth, outbursts, fear of being alone, withdrawal, angry, crying, irritability, decreased energy, decreased ambition, increased use of alcohol, and marital or relationship conflict.

Dealing with this traumatic experience of losing a child to adoption can be difficult, so it is important that you take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating well, and exercising, and most importantly giving yourself time to heal.

You may want to share your thoughts and feelings with others such as a support groups, friends, and/or family. It really does help to talk about it. Some may not know how to respond to your feelings so it is important to let them know which responses are helpful and which are not. If you find that you continue to feel depressed or have difficulty expressing yourself, reach out and find help from a professional.

If you have recently been contacted, the past trauma is re-emerging even though you may have felt that there had been resolution. There are special situations and particular circumstances that may trigger feelings that you felt when you relinquished your child to adoption.

Finally, don’t think that there is something wrong with you if your reactions are different than someone else’s.