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In part 1, I discussed how a book called “Guideposts for Growing Up” advised parents on raising adopted children in 1969. Only one sentence in the discussion about raising adopted children was of great enough importance to be included in italics. The author said that most foster parents would like to know who are the parents of the child they adopt. Then in italics, she said
“This they should never know.”
The tone was stern; there was no mistaking that she felt quite certain about this piece of advice.
The reasoning behind never knowing was twofold. First, she suggested that if the real parents do not know and have no way to find out, then they will be permanently blocked from ever reclaiming their child.
Another reason stated for neither set of parents not knowing was so the “foster parents” could not blame the “real parents” if the child did not turn out as they had hoped. “All the real parents would know is that the child was in a ‘good home’”. All the foster parents would ever know was that their child came from physically and mentally good stock.
It goes on to say that even if the foster parents know something about the child’s parentage, they must keep it a complete secret. “Never tell your family or your most intimate friends,” it goes on to say.
“Every adoption agency advises: say that you know nothing about the child’s parentage. This is essential to his future happiness; you must guard the secret of his birth, if you know it, as a sacred trust.”
The secrecy that permeated adoption in the 60’s was quite evident in this book. I was stunned at most of the few pages discussing theories on how to raise adopted children in this book.
I wonder how antiquated our current theories on raising adopted children will appear in book form 36 years or so from now? Will some of the reforms that seem so radical now be common practice 10-20-30 years from now?
In 1969 I was seventeen and pregnant. Birth control was illegal for anyone under eighteen, so…
The Salvation Army ran a home for unwed mothers and prided themselves on the fact that with their help a girl could give birth, then forget about it and go right back to where she came from without anyone knowing the difference.
I hope we never slide back into times where information is considered dangerous.
Unfortunately, we do not need to slip back to those days. Maternity homes and the secrecy still prevails in some places and with some people. Our own President of the US thinks we need more maternity homes. Thankfully, some “homes” now offer opportunities for pregnant women (who can and want to) to parent their babies instead of offering them only adoption. In adoption much has changed, but, a lot of the old ideas remain.
Some still believe too that one can give birth and then forget about it as though it had never happened.