One of the most under utilized resources for adoptees who are searching is their adoptive family. Some adoptees wait too late to ask their adoptive families for information. Adoption secrets go to the grave with them, as they sometime do with birth parents. Adoptees often wait to begin a search until both adoptive parents are no longer living.

I would like to urge you to consider not waiting until your adoptive parents have passed away to search. Give them some credit for understanding your need to search. Enlist their help to actively support you during your search instead of keeping it a secret from them. Many adoptees say that involving their adoptive parents in their search brings them closer together. It can strength the bonds instead of weakening them.

If you feel certain that they will not understand your need to search, get to work educating them. There are many excellent resources that can help you do so. Adoption.com has an excellent link that discusses why adoptees search, and it could be very helpful in explaining the reasons for a search to adoptive parents.

Two of my other favorite suggestions to educate adoptive parents are a book by Carol L. Demuth, called Courageous Blessing , and an article by Colleen Buckner. I first found this article at Adoption.com. Colleen ias also known at Adoption.com as the search guru. She helped her daughter search for her birth mother many years ago, and now does adoption searches through her own business which is called The Right to Know.

There are many reasons why it is beneficial for adoptees to talk to their adoptive parents about their search and/or reunion. Both experiences can be stressful and emotionally draining, and times when you could use some support from your adoptive parents.

Another reason to talk to your adoptive parents about a search is because they may be holding some information about your birth family in trust for you. They could be waiting for you to ask. It makes sense to me to just offer the information to you, but, some adoptive parents wait until they are asked. Your parents may also have some documents about your adoption that might make your search much easier.