Recently I wrote about ways to support a birth mom at reunion. However, if you are an adoptee with a birth mom in reunion, it is not your job to "fix" her. Take care of yourself and let her do the same. I know that you may want to help her, but, it is not your responsibility to heal her. Only she can do that.

She needs to deal with her issues on her own, in a support group and/or with an adoption therapist. Do not feel guilty for having found her - it is a good thing. Even if she struggles in the beginning of reunion, your finding her was the right thing to do. For many birth parents, reunion is a time to heal.

The only responsibilty an adoptee has at reunion is to be respectful and considerate of her birth parents. Other than that, an adoptee needs to be guided by their own hearts as to how much of a relationship they may or many not want.

Adoptees sometimes try at reunion to make everyone happy, and take on more than they need to. The adoptive parents' feelings are to be considered. You should do what you can to help them understand why your reunion is important to you. Educating them about why adoptees search can be very wise. Reassuring them that they did nothing wrong that made you want to search is also a great point to make. Lastly, continuing to tell them that you love them is important as well.

Ultimately though, the adoptive parents also need to take care of themselves, and be responsible for how they handle reunion. They have many options and it is up to them how they choose to proceed. If they have been kind and loving parents to you, treat them with the respect and love that they deserve. However, do not take on the responsibility of making them happy.

Same goes for all your other relatives. Be respectful to all, but, do not allow anyone to spoil your joy at reunion or overburden you with their problems. Reunion is your time, enjoy and just care of yourself!