Ever spoken to an adoptee who is searching? You might be surprised at how some people treat them. Although some social workers or clerks are very sympathetic and helpful, many people who have access to adoption records are are not known for being particularly kind.

Some of the remarks that I have heard that adoptees receive are extremely sad. Several adoptees have told me that when they went to the adoption agency that handled their adoption they were told to come back later - when they were older. A few adoptees have told me that they went back several times before the agency would give them any information at all.

Only recently, a young adoptee named Sarah told me that the agency that handled her adoption acted as though she was out of her mind to believe that they would give her any records. This type of reaction is all too common. It seems to be a haughty sort of "why on earth do you want or need your records" sort of mentality.

Adoptees are told that they already have parents, might appear ungrateful and might be hurting their parents and all sorts of other comments aimed at convincing them not to search. Not all agencies discourage searches; some are able to search in certain states.

The agency that handled my son's adoption found me for him. They warned him that I might be dead, drug-addicted and any number of otherpossibilities. There was nothing in his adoption records to suggest that I might die at a young age or be drug addicted. He was "warned" of many dire possibilities as to what I might be like. I wonder if they mentioned that I might possibly be a "normal" human being?

Adoptees have told me that although some agency workers are extremely kind and helpful, many question their need to search. They do all they can to thwart a search, including attempts at trying to make adoptees feel badly for even considering a search.

Even many friends and families of adoptees who search try to lay heavy guilt trips on them. They have little understanding of the need to know. Other adoptees are occasionally the least understanding about a need to search.

Why do you suppose that some agency workers sometimes work so hard to prevent reunions? Do they believe that they are all harmful experiences? Are they convinced that birth parents are all dangerous nutcases certain to the mess up their children should they be in touch with them? Honestly, I do not know.