When you are sure you are speaking with the right person ask them to write down your phone number incase you get disconnected. When you are ready to move on with the conversation I would prepare your natural mother by saying that you have news that may be something of a surprise to her. Then, ask if the date of your birth means anything to her. You can then ask if it is a good time to talk or would it be better if you called back and if so when?

If your natural mother chooses to say something that sounds like she does not want to talk remember that someone may be in the room. It is important to NOT take this as a rejection. Watch your tone of voice when you speak because the sound of your voice is their first impression. Sounding nervous is okay but try not to let your voice give away feelings of rejection, hurt, or anger to name a few. A trick to get through this would be to make yourself smile while you talk.

If your natural mother’s reaction is that she can talk at this time the conversation will go on. It is important to try not to blurt out anything startling but rather introduce yourself as calmly as possible by giving your name and that you have been searching for your natural mother. You want to tell her your date of birth and other things you know like the city and hospital. Don’t forget that the recipient of this call has not had the time to prepare for this call and you have caught her off guard. You have had time to prepare where you natural mother has not You knew what you were going to say and you knew it was going to happen. The other thing to keep in mind is that all the information you have may not be true or exact and it is okay if there are odd things that don’t seem to match.

Your natural mother may say that the date means a lot to her which indicates that she knows who you are and why you called. However, she also may say that the date doesn’t mean anything to her. If this happens you may have the wrong person or she may be in denial or traumatized by the whole thing where she very well may have forgotten the exact date. If this happens go over the details of what you know about your natural mother with the person you are speaking with if the conversation allows you to do so. It is okay to ask questions that you know the answer to from your research or you non identifying information. For example you can ask if she was ever to the city of your birth and if she was there during the month and year you were born. If she says yes to most of the questions but sounds puzzled and confused it is okay to ask if she had any friend’s who placed a child for adoption at the time your adoption took place.

It is impossible to write about every scenario that could take place but the idea is to think it all through beforehand and try to be ready for anything that she says.

If the conversation does not go well don’t panic. The recipient of the call could be in shock or really not know what she is saying. So, now the only thing that you can do is give her time. You may want to consider telling her that you love her and that when she is ready to talk to please call you. It is important to be nice even if she is not.
Try to keep your first contact light and positive with at the same time be honest with your natural mother. If things go well, it is also important to give your natural mother time to adjust and time to talk to her family members who may or may not know about your existence.