Since March, we have quadrupled in size and the “finders” still outnumber the lookers. We held our first search workshop earlier this month and then did a Reg Day sign up. This sounds like we are going great guns! But reaching out to people who need help is not easy – in fact it may be easier to deliver the help than to persuade people to accept it.

Two women who have found relatives they lost to adoption and one who is still searching started our group. We had talked for some years about the need to have a local support group but never got beyond talking until I received a plea from an adoptee whose birth mother lives in Salisbury and really needed triad support. She attended two meetings and then disappeared. She responds to telephone contact and promises to come but she doesn’t show. Another early member joined, found, and dropped out. She is supportive of us in other ways but doesn’t have time for meetings. But that happens with ALL groups of all kinds.

My point is that as soon as someone, in this case me, proposed a structure, others stepped forward and helped. Just recently I have read about other search and support groups that have lots of people needing search help and no one who has already found hanging around to help others. For now, our group is just the opposite.

Over the course of the 19 years it took me to find my birth family I had help, advice and support offered freely from a number of folks. I hit brick walls, often. Until the law was changed so that the state could charge a fee for providing me with the non-identifying information that was mine by law already, I got nowhere despite much, much effort. When I was stymied in my search, I poured my energies into other, related, pursuits. I helped others who had viable clues to go on, or worked on legislative reform. And like most of us who maintain any involvement in search work, I needed a break now and then.

We all have busy lives and multiple responsibilities but we make time for those things we need to do and really want to do. Hopefully, those whose lives we are able to touch in a positive way will “pay it forward,” and help others. There’s no shame in taking a vacation now and then as long as we return ready to get back to work.

Thanks for what you are doing with your blog to give us food for thought and continued inspiration to get back to work.

Best wishes,
Ann Wilmer