Intimacy being the sixth core issue in adoption is the loss, feelings of rejection, shame and grief, and incomplete sense of self may hinder the development of intimacy for triad members. Triad members avoid possible reenactment of previous losses is to avoid closeness and commitment.

Triad members may hold back a part of themselves in a relationship. There may be difficulties in bonding and attachment. Intamacy issues may be more obvious in relationships with members of the opposite sex because of questions in regards to conception, biological or genetic concerns and sexuality.

Natural parents may feel that sex, intimacy, and pregnancy leads to pain. This will lead the natural parents to avoid additional loss by avoiding intimate relationships.

Mastery/Control
Adoption changes the course of our lives. Adoption may cause traid members to have additional hurdles. Triad members are forced to give up control and adoption really is a second choice. Birth parents did grow up thinking that they would become accidentally pregnant or abuse their children and surrender them to adoption.

Adoptees were not a part of the decision process that lead to adoption. Adoptees had no control over the loss of the natural family or the choice of the adoptive family. The adoption decisions were made by adults making life altering choices for the adoptee.

Adoptive parents may have felt helplessness and they may have viewed themselves as powerless and entitled to be parent. Some may seek to regain control by becoming overprotective and controlling leading to additional issues with the parent/child relationship.

These seven core lifelong issues of adoption are always going to be a part of the triad members lives regardless of the circumstances of the adoption. If you can identify these issues in your life you can then work on alleviating some of the pain and isolation you may feel. You may need to seek professional counseling to recognizes them and help them come out of the trap of negative feelings generated by the adoption experience. Once you are aware of these core issues in your lives you can choose to grow, heal, and strengthen yourself.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to explore the core issues in adoption:

*List the losses, large and small, that you have experienced in adoption.

* Identify the feelings associated with these losses.

* What experiences in adoption have led to feelings of rejection?

* Do you ever see yourself rejecting others before they can reject you? When?

* What guilt or shame do you feel about adoption?

* What feelings do you experience when you talk about adoption?

* Identify your behaviors at each of the five stages of the grief process. Have you accepted your losses? See the blog on Stage of Grief at http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-grief

* How has adoption impacted your sense of who you are?