I think that the one thing that all triad members can agree on is that adoption is lifelong for all triad members. Through adoption families are united and the creation of a family through adoption can be a great joy and painful.

There are what many refer to as “the 7 core issues in adoption” and I want to try and write about each of these issues briefly to help everyone better understand one another and the effects of the adoption journey.

These 7 core issues are as follows:
1) Loss
2) Rejection
3) Guilt and Shame
4) Grief
5) Identity
6) Intimacy
7) Mastery/control

Each triad members individual experiences are different and vary from situation to situation but there are some similarities of all the experiences. These are expected issues that evolve out of the nature of adoption.

There was a time in our society that adoption was viewed as a win/lose process meaning that natural parents lose their child in order for the adoptive family to gain a child. The system focused on the needs of the natural parents and the adoptive parents and didn’t really consider the long term effects on the child. The seven core issues of adoption are inherent in the adoption experience when the adoptee reaches adolescence. During my adolescence years is probably when I realized or became aware of the significance of being adopted.

Loss
Adoption is loss and without loss there would be no adoption. With adoption, in order to gain anything, there is the first lose of a family, a child, and a dream. I believe that these losses and how they are dealt with and worked through sets the foundation for the lifelong process of adoption.

There is no doubt that adoption is a life altering or life changing event. Adoptive parents have lost through inferfility, failed pregnancy, death of a child, etc. They have lost the dream of having a child of their own. Lets face it…for how many adoptive parents was adoption their first choice?

Natural parents loose the child to whom they are genetically connected. They also have the loss of role, contact, and in many cases the other natural parent.

The Adoptees first loss is at the initial separation from the natural family. Even if the adoptee is an infant, is not consciously aware, adoption effects the adoptee on a profound level. Any future loss, or the perceived threat of separation is more prevalent than for non adopted persons.

These losses have been more recognized in triad members lives and are no longer being ignored. The grief process of adoption is necessary for a healthy mental place in our lives and is complicated by that the losses don’t seem to ever end. There is no closure. I guess what I am trying to say is that the loss associated with adoption is not a single occurrences. It is an evolving process and effect all aspect of triad members lives. Therefore, loss is always going to be a part of the triad members lives and is never totally forgotten. It is either in our conscious awareness or pushed into the unconscious and often times reawakened by later loss.