One Name Saves the Day: Making Contact

November 21st, 2013

Phone OLD DIALThere was no doubt that finding my birthmother’s name was a miracle. (Scroll to the bottom of the page to link to ‘catch-up’ posts.)  Now it was time to start making calls. We had a good list based upon her maiden name and the hope that at least one of her brothers still lived in her hometown. Just in case we hit a dead end with those, we included women with the same last name. Before I continue with the rest of the miracle story, it’s important to share the right way to go about making contact. The seven consolidated suggestions below come from research and my own experience:

HOW TO MAKE CONTACTS WITHOUT CAUSING HEART ATTACKS

1)      Keep… [more]

Pandora’s Box

November 10th, 2013
Categories: Uncategorized

I wanted to discuss my search techniques I am utilizing to look up my biological brother.  One of them is the site I used to try to find my birth mom.  In searching for my birth brother, I was given the following information: he was born in Paterson,  New Jersey,he was adopted through a private adoption, and he was born in 1970 in the summer months.  I also know that he was adopted by a family with a last name that started with C.  So, using the site I used in the past, I went through the alphabet and put each letter down as a first name.  I left the last name blank because it won't take just the letter C, and then I put the city he was born in… [more]

Bits and Pieces Now Make Sense

November 9th, 2013
Categories: Uncategorized

When I read the message from the lady who told me I have a brother, lets call her Judy, she also included memories she had of my birth mom.  She wrote that my birth mom enjoyed swimming with her and she loved horses.  My mind reeled back to my birth mom's non identifying information my adoptive parents were given by the adoption agency.  "Hobbies: swimming and horseback riding."  When I first discovered who my birth mom was, and talked with the bar owner's daughter that owned the last bar my birth mom worked at, I asked her about swimming and horseback riding.  She said she had never heard about her doing those things.  So, after that, I thought my birth mom had put down things she wished she could have done, or… [more]

After Finding the Name

November 7th, 2013

LOCKIn the days before computers, all non-identifying information was typewritten. Identifying information was blacked out with marker and for extra measure, a layer of 'white-out', used to correct typewriter errors, was brushed over top of that. But my paperwork had been managed incorrectly. In nearly every instance, the white-out was used first and the marker was used over the white-out. Even without this I had a name, but upon realizing this gift, I wanted to unwrap it! Using the tip of a straightened paper clip, I set about the easy, slow task of gently scraping off the white-out, revealing names, dates and places beneath. The information gave an outline to the story of a much too young girl and boy who… [more]

Another Chapter Begins

November 2nd, 2013
Categories: Uncategorized

I was sitting in a 2 hour meeting at work, after we had just finished an hour and a half meeting.  I looked down at my phone, and I saw I had a facebook message from an unknown person.  I started to read it, and it was from a lady who grew up with my birth mom.  I had just put her and my journey to rest, and I felt complete, and calm...then I started reading this message, and I became speechless as I came to the following part:  Your birth mother had a baby boy in the 1970s and gave him up for adoption.  I must have turned white...I became weak.  I have a biological brother...probably a half brother...but I have a biological sibling.  I could not concentrate the rest of… [more]

The Finding of a Name

October 22nd, 2013

Needle in HaystackI had made two 'wrong turns' up to this point, but I'm not much of a believer in coincidence. I tend to lean in the direction of all things having a reason. I learned lessons about myself and others from those detours, and my faith in the goodness of people had been renewed. But with the events of this final contact, that faith would skyrocket. Again, the voice at the other end of the line was kind, warm and eager to serve. I really was taken back at the friendliness...so much so, that I even suspected she may recognize my name. If she did, however, she never said so. What she did do was promise to take care of all the… [more]

Of Pit Stops and Lessons Learned

October 21st, 2013

NEW STOP SIGNNo one likes pit stops. They slow us down in the race; make us feel like we’re losing ground. Stopping was never part of my agenda. But pit stops are necessary. They give us gas to keep going, maintenance to get there in one piece and often, errors in judgment are revealed so they can be corrected. These are the things that contribute to that ultimate victory. And such it is in life. Finding my non-identifying information turned out to be a three-part process that included two wild-goose chases. But each chase brought me closer to my treasure and in the process; I shed some emotional baggage while also gaining greater trust in the goodness of people. I had read… [more]

It Is Not Only About Me

October 10th, 2013

    When I first decided to search for my birth mom, I was conflicted about telling my adoptive parents.  I started the search, and then one day I got a phone call from a Joan I had called earlier.  My mom was sitting in our guest bedroom at the time, and saw me run upstairs after I answered the phone.  I came downstairs, and my mom was concerned.  She asked who was on the phone, because they way I ran upstairs, she thought it was bad news.  I looked at her, and decided I would tell her the journey I had started on a couple months before.  She looked at me, and her only response was, "Oh, ok."  Now, my mother is one of those whose non verbal cues speak volumes.  I knew she was… [more]

The Learning Curve

October 10th, 2013

NEW CURVES AHEAD SIGNHaving completed registration here and nationally, I began 'The Learning Curve Era'. Consuming information in great gulps helped speed the time a bit, yet just as a curved road requires slower, more careful driving, so does this time of learning. I don't have much to offer readers in regard to time condensation here. Try to enjoy the view as you go, committing as much as possible to memory and note-taking...and remember, if not navigated rightly, you could miss a turn or even go over a cliff. The Learning Curve Era has only one real requirement...that we learn! One piece of advice I found but did not follow was to 'clear the slate'. Placing current projects on the shelf is not… [more]

An Addiction

October 7th, 2013
Categories: Reunion

searchWhen I first started searching for my biological roots, I told myself I wouldn't become addicted, I wouldn't let it consume me.  I have learned something about myself in the process.  Or maybe I should say, I now see what my family has seen throughout my life in certain situations.  I have learned I have an addictive personality.  Whether it be relationships, wanting constant compliments, or needing more and more answers when 1 answer should be enough. In May of 2013, I found my birth mother's full name.  I found her senior high school photo.   Then I found out she had died.   My father told me,  "You have her name, you know what she looks like,  you know she is dead, what else do… [more]