How to Make a Birth Mom Angry

May 13th, 2007

For a birth mother in reunion, all sorts of remarks will be offered once you volunteer the news that you have been found or found your child. One of the main reasons I never told anyone that I was a birth mother until reunion was my fear that people would reject me once they heard my "secret." All in all, I was fortunate to receive lots of support and few insensitive comments. Here are some of the ways and comments nearly guaranteed to stir up reunited birth moms and set their blood boiling: 1. One of the all time favorite comments made to reunited birth mothers upon news that they are reunited: "Oh great, so everything is okay now!"… [more]

What Not to Say to a Reunited Birth Mom – Pt. 2

May 27th, 2006

Continuing on from part 1, more comments not to say to a birth parent in reunion. 5. How brave, courageous and unselfish you were. Some women who relinquish babies or children to adoption are all those things. However, as I mentioned previously, it is making a huge assumption without really knowing the facts, to say that to someone. Many women who relinquish do not feel as though they were "brave"; they feel that they were weak and powerless. Therefore, they may not want praise for what they may consider a wrong or poor decision. They believe that if they had been strong and courageous, they probably would have kept their children and parented them. There are some women who relinquish that may be unselfish… [more]

What Not to Say to a Reunited Birth Mom – Pt. 1

May 27th, 2006

I recall reading a post some time ago on "What Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent". It inspired this post. These are some of my favorite comments better not made to a reunited birth mom. 1. "That's wonderful that you are reunited and everything worked out fine." Reunion does not magically "fix" the past or the future. It is a mistake to assume that just because one is reunited means that "everything worked out fine." Reunion is a wonderful experience, but, nothing makes up for all the years apart. Many adoptees and birth parents would not agree that everything worked out that great, even if they do eventually reunite. 2. What about your child's adoptive family? What about their adoptive family? They will decide how… [more]