Moving Forward as an Adult Adoptee

September 15th, 2011

1249882_halfway_to_heavenAdoption can be difficult for both adoptive and biological parents. The same is true for adult adoptees, especially those who have reached out and haven't had successful reunion experiences. If you're an adult adoptee and you feel hurt, betrayed, or depressed, there are ways to move forward and find happiness and contentment in your life, despite the choices of others. You may be angry because your biological parents placed you with an adoptive family, or because you wanted your biological parents to parent you instead of letting another family do it. You may feel lost or alone because your past is a mystery and you don't know your or your family's history. No matter your personal adoption experience, you can emotionally heal and… [more]

Mystery & the Adoption Experience

August 12th, 2009
Posted By: on Adoption Search

When Oscar Wilde wrote that "the final mystery is oneself," we can assume he was referring to an individual's ability to develop self awareness. He might just as well have been referring to the journey that many adult adoptees take when they undertake a search to discover their biological roots. Our greatest mystery happens to be ourself: a mystery created when adoptions were hidden, closed, disguised from the world. Whether by design or by chance, adult adoptees find themselves in a position to undertake a Sherlock Holmes-like voyage of discovery whose ending cannot be predicted. My search experience spans twenty years from my first request for non-identifying information until my first face-to-face meeting with my birth mother. Along the way, I encountered opposition… [more]

What I Have Learned About Adoptees – Part 2

April 1st, 2007

2) For other adoptees, adoption is a major lifelong issue for them. They struggle with not knowing their roots. Issues of abandonment, trust and identity may be common within this group. Like some birth parents, their adoptive status seems to affect every decision they make, and is often on their minds. Adoptees in this group feel a keen sense of the loss of their heritage and roots. How they were raised does not seem pertinent as to whether adoption is a huge issue for them or not. Many adoptees that I know who have wonderful adoptive families still are troubled and looking for some resolution. This type of adoptee often feels a need to search. They wants answers, resolution, peace and sometimes a… [more]

What I Have Learned About Adoptees – Part 1

April 1st, 2007

In a way, that statement is like saying "all that I have learned about people." Adoptees are no more all alike than all birth parents are the same. I know that sometimes adoptees resent being all lumped together just like birth parents often do, and I cannot say that I blame them. One of the most important facts that I have learned is that adoptees have many different feelings about adoption. However, like birth parents, adoptees do share some feelings in common. We tend to want to believe that like birth parents, adoptees are either angry or happy with adoption. However, I do not buy that is the case any more for adoptees than birth parents. Adoptees have a whole range of feelings about… [more]

Twice Adopted Part 4

February 26th, 2007

Later on that night Nolberta called me and said that her husband and kids were excited to meet me. A week later I met her husband and my two brothers. I didn’t get to meet my sister because she lives in Montana at the time. One thing I noticed was a lot of young children living in her home. Later that night we spoke on the phone and I asked her who all those children were. She stated that they all were her foster children and that they were foster parents for at least 25 years. She said she was paying God back for what she did 38 years ago by giving me up for adoption. At the same time I didn’t tell… [more]

Twice Adopted Part 3

February 26th, 2007

Meanwhile my adopted mother found out she had breast cancer so the guilt started to dig deep into my heat. I thought how I could keep going on with the search. So I decided to keep looking. 6 months past and we narrowed my birthmother’s maiden name to three woman and three addresses. One of them was in San Jose where I worked, so one day I was delivering concrete and saw her address so I pulled over and knocked at the door and asked if they ordered concrete. The person that answered the door was my brother but I didn’t know at the time. Three weeks passed and the gentleman helping me called and told me he found my birthmother and the… [more]

Twice Adopted Part 2

February 23rd, 2007

Two months later the information came in the mail. It stated that my mother was 5ft, 95 lbs, and she worked in a doctor’s office. She was 25 years old at the time of my birth. My father was Mexican, brown hair and eyes, 5’6, and had a 10th grade education and also worked full time. It was a brief affair and they were not interested in marriage. About three months later at my place of employment I was delivering concrete to a job site and I was talking to a gentleman I have know for 20 years, whose name is Carlos. He asked me what I had been up too, and I told him I was looking for my birthparents. He proceeded… [more]

Twice Adopted Part 1

February 23rd, 2007

I saw the following on the Concerned United Birth Parent mailing list and thought it was an excellent piece. After contacting the author, Jim Serrano, I asked for and received his permission to reprint his article titled "Twice Adopted" on the blog. I hope you enjoy it. You are probably wondering why I called my story twice adopted; well here is the journey and the facts as to why the title sums up my life. I was adopted at two weeks of age and the second adoption was seven years ago when I found unconditional love from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I guess this is where I start at the beginning; I was adopted when I was two weeks old by… [more]