Adoptees’ Responsibilties at Reunion

June 27th, 2006

Recently I wrote about ways to support a birth mom at reunion. However, if you are an adoptee with a birth mom in reunion, it is not your job to "fix" her. Take care of yourself and let her do the same. I know that you may want to help her, but, it is not your responsibility to heal her. Only she can do that. She needs to deal with her issues on her own, in a support group and/or with an adoption therapist. Do not feel guilty for having found her - it is a good thing. Even if she struggles in the beginning of reunion, your finding her was the right thing to do. For many birth parents, reunion is a time to… [more]

Birth Parents’ Duties in Reunion

March 9th, 2006

Do birth parents in reunion "owe" their relinquished children anything at the time of a reunion? I believe that they do. At reunion, I feel strongly that birth parents should “step up to the plate” and try to repair some of the damage relinquishment may have caused their children. They can do this by sharing honestly with their children and giving them any information that they request. Here are a couple of comments that I have heard from adoptees that trouble me:  My birth mom refuses to reveal the name of my birth father;  My birth mom requires that we meet in silence as she is afraid that someone might "find out" about me;  My birth mom refuses to have any contact… [more]