How Do you Handle Reunion…………Part 2

August 11th, 2006
Categories: Honesty/Truth, Reunion

.........When an Open Adoption was Closed? There is so much talk about honesty at reunion. Should a birth mother tell her child that she wanted and expected contact, but that she was denied contact? Do the adoptive parents expect that she will not tell? Is it reasonable to believe that she will not? How will this affect the child's relationships with their adoptive parents? Should the birth mother care about that? Is a better course of action to omit this bit of information at reunion? I think if I were in such a situation, I could not, nor would I want to keep the secret of what the adoptive parents had done - closing the adoption. For my child's sake, I… [more]

How do you Handle Reunion…….Part 1

August 11th, 2006
Categories: Honesty/Truth, Reunion

.........When an Open Adoption was Closed? A few birth moms that I know relinquished children to adoptions that were supposed to be open. Somewhere along the line, the adoptive parents decided to abruptly close the adoption. One birth mom that I know found out in a cold, harsh manner through the adoption agency. The adoptive parents sent the agency a letter and said that they had changed their minds, and had decided that it would be too confusing and too difficult to allow contact. They said they felt that it would be better for the birth mother to just move on with her life. When an adoption that was supposed to be open is closed, how do both sets of parents act… [more]

Finding and Facing the Truth at Reunion – Part 3

May 31st, 2006
Categories: Honesty/Truth, Reunion

For adoptees, reunion can resolve many unanswered questions as it does for birth family. I believe that for adoptees the need to find information is often as significant as the need to reconnect. Some adoptees say that the “need to know” is more important than the desire to seek a relationship. There are other adoptees who feel certain that they want only information, and not a relationship. I think it is premature to decide whether you want contact and/or a possible relationship unless you take the risk and meet your birth family member. I feel sorry for those who summarily dismiss or refuse contact. Fear probably is the most popular reason that prevents most people from being willing to take the… [more]

Finding and Facing the Truth at Reunion – Part 2

May 30th, 2006
Categories: Honesty/Truth, Reunion

If the siblings that an adoptee finds at reunion are successful, happy people with a close relationship to their birth mom, the adoptee might experience some jealousy. There could be moments of thinking, "Why don't I have what they have?" or "Why did she keep them and not me?" Depending on how happy you are with your own life, you might be envious of the life your siblings have had. On the other hand, finding a dysfunctional birth family could make an adoptee feel that being relinquished may have been a blessing for them. If other siblings raised by their birth mother are in sad shape; they may believe that might have been their fate. Maybe that is true, but, it is also… [more]

Finding and Facing the Truth at Reunion – Part 1

May 30th, 2006
Categories: Honesty/Truth, Reunion

Sodium Pentothal, the so-called truth serum, was fairly popular at one point in time. It was used as a way to test people to determine if they were telling the truth. These days it is not commonly used as a method for testing an individual for their truthfulness. I wonder if some adoptees seeking answers wish that they could bring it back! The sheer unadulterated truth is often hard to come by in adoption. There may be any numbers of “good” reasons for sugar-coating or down-playing the truth, or outright lying about the truth. Many people feel that it is sometimes better to shield their loved ones from the truth. They want to protect and spare them from what they may perceive as… [more]