March 20th, 2007

At some point in your communications you will both likely reach a point where you feel that you would like to meet in person. This could be soon after the initial contact or it may be several years later. Everyone is different and some even prefer to meet without the initial exchange of written information. Some also may decide not to go as far as a meeting and stop at the exchange of letters. If an intermediary is involved he or she can provide support and discuss what is happening in the reunion and the direction it is or may take. Some prefer the first meeting to be arranged with or through and intermediary and others prefer to arrange it… [more]

Meeting the Adoptive Mom After Reunion – Part 2

February 27th, 2007

My husband and I were staying in a cottage nearby and had driven over to check out the town the day before. Checking the town out the day before our meeting was a really good idea, as that first time in the town that my son grew up in was an unexpected and extremely emotional experience. I was surprised at how difficult it was for me. Time was passing and it was time to pick up the roses. They looked great and I was ready to find her house. It was then I discovered that I had left the directions back at the cottage. I wanted to panic and cry, yet it was important not to mess this visit up. My cell had no… [more]

Meeting the Adoptive Mom After Reunion – Part 1

February 27th, 2007

Since my son's other mother(his adoptive mom) lives several states away, we have only met once so far. Our first meeting took place 2-3 years ago. The details of our meeting are vivid in my mind. Although I appeared calm, inside I was a wreck on the day of our visit. I wanted to meet her alone, so we agreed that I would drive to her home and then walk into town for lunch. The thought of seeing her with our son was not something I was ready to face yet; I thought it would wound me to the core. I knew that they were close and I felt that seeing their closeness would be too painful. For me, it was very important to… [more]

Meeting the Other Parents

February 21st, 2007

Adoptive and birth parents do not always meet even when a reunion occurs. However, it can be beneficial for both sets of parents to meet each other. Sometimes adoptive and birth parents from closed adoptions meet and form a warm relationship. It seems that is not the usual outcome. Although I do know of a few instances in which that is the case, it is more likely that both sets of parents do not meet or they meet yet there is a great deal of tension between them and relations are strained. There are a variety of reasons why the adoptive and birth parents of a child may not become friendly towards each other. While I do not believe that it is necessary… [more]

Where Should You Meet?

October 5th, 2006
Categories: First Face to Face

I have been asked on numerous occasions the question of “where should my reunion take place?” I have two places that I suggest for the first meeting to occur and they are first a neutral location such as an airport, a restaurant or a hotel. My second is someone’s home. If a neutral location is chosen out of geographic necessity or personal preference a multitude of issues regarding intimate boundaries will automatically be eliminated. For those who are more tentative or private in nature a neutral location can provide a buffer which may facilitate the meeting actually taking place rather than postponing it until everyone feels more connected through letters, emails, and/or phone calls. If those in reunion decide that the first meeting will take place… [more]

First Face to Face in 10 Years Part 2

May 31st, 2006

On December 23rd the mail man arrived and as I was going through the mail saw a card that I didn’t know who it was from. It was addressed to me with my maiden name and then in parenthesis my married name with another set of parenthesis that contained “sorry”. There was no return address on the card so of course the way the envelope was addressed peaked my curiosity and I opened it immediately. I was in a state of dismay when I saw that it was from my natural sister. She addressed the inside of the card to my husband and me. The contents of the note was mostly questions about our life and a few pieces of her life such… [more]

First Face to Face in 10 Years Part 1

May 30th, 2006

The past 10 days we have spent vacationing in the south eastern states. When we started to plan this trip about a year ago I wasn’t too excited about going. I am a beach person and wanted to take a cruise or go to the Caribbean. My husband on the other hand is the total opposite. He doesn’t care for the beach and would prefer visiting the mountains. Since we have done the Caribbean and beaches the past several years, I told my husband that this year he could pick our vacation spot. He chose Nashville, TN and the Smokey Mountains. Little did I know when we started planning this trip that our vacation would include a face to face meeting… [more]

Our First Face-to-Face – Part 4

April 21st, 2006

Though I figured that I would be a bundle of nerves, I was strangely calm and together. Not so calm that a relaxing bubble bath didn't sound good though, so I filled the tub. As I laid there immersed in bubbles, I thought how surreal it all seemed. I could barely believe that it really was going to happen. Soon,I would meet my good-looking, blue-eyed, tow-headed 6 ft. tall son. The last time I had seen him he was 2 or 3 days old. I laid soaking in the tub dreamily smiling and feeling blessed, yet nearly disbelieving that it could really happen - meeting my son. Though I inevitably was transported back in time to my sad sojourn in the hospital when he was… [more]

Our First Face-to-Face – Part 3

April 21st, 2006

As Part 2 ended, the plane was about to land in Seattle. My emotions were all over the map as I drifted back in time remembering my baby son - how eager I was for him to be born - how much I loved and longed to be his mother. Not until a month before he was born was I "persuaded" to not raise him. I did as I was told and let his adoption happen. For 32 years, I knew nothing about my son. I knew the sex of the child that I gave birth to, unlike some birth moms in that era, and I held him briefly. Now, as an adult my son had decided that it was time for us to meet… [more]

Our First Face-to- Face – Part 2

April 17th, 2006

The night before I was to depart for our visit, my son had said that he would call to firm up details as to whether he would be able to pick me up at the airport or not. Before I arrived home from work that evening, he had already called and left a message that he would call back later. He did not. To understand my reaction to his not calling back, you need to know me somewhat. I like to be in control and/or know exactly what is to happen in a given situation. Spontaneity is not my strong suit, though I am working on it. I am a planner by nature though and like to know ahead of time just what… [more]