Reactions to Contact Part 2

May 18th, 2006
Categories: By Phone, First Contact

Some natural mothers are ecstatic to be found. She may even be searching herself. You may discover that you look a lot alike. You may feel as if you are starting to feel real inside. When making this initial phone call you may feel like you have rehearsed and practices and practiced and rehearsed. When your natural mother gets on the phone your hands may become clammy and your head whirl as you try to learn as much as you can with each word, expression, or hesitation. Your natural mother may deny that she is your natural mother or the person that you are searching for. She may not want to know you or acknowledge that she is your natural mother… [more]

Reactions to Contact Part 1

May 18th, 2006
Categories: By Phone, First Contact

Many adoptees make first contact with their natural mother by telephone. Some natural mothers may be aware that someone was trying to locate her if contact was initially made through another natural family member such as a cousin or sister. When placing that first call to your natural mother you may not be sure what to expect. You may be shocked that your natural mother thought you were someone else and your birth name or information may be enough to bring on a receptive though guarded response. Some natural mothers may be distant and unwilling to answer your questions. That can be very disappointing. However, if she agrees to share letters you may be pleased by also feel sorry that her response… [more]

Adoptee Making Contact Part 3

April 27th, 2006
Categories: By Phone, First Contact

When you are sure you are speaking with the right person ask them to write down your phone number incase you get disconnected. When you are ready to move on with the conversation I would prepare your natural mother by saying that you have news that may be something of a surprise to her. Then, ask if the date of your birth means anything to her. You can then ask if it is a good time to talk or would it be better if you called back and if so when? If your natural mother chooses to say something that sounds like she does not want to talk remember that someone may be in the room. It is important… [more]

Adoptees Making Contact Part 1

April 26th, 2006
Categories: By Phone, First Contact

When an adoptee is searching and has completed his or her search, the question now is how to make that first contact. Should you write, or make a phone call? When you,, the adoptee, gets a name, address, and phone number emotions go into overdrive and you are flying high. The first thing to do is stop and think! Consider asking your self how you would react to a phone call or if you were a birth mother who told no one that you had relinquished a child to adoption would I want someone calling asking my relatives asking them questions. If you got a phone call and some one was in the room what would you do? If you choose to send… [more]

First Contact – Part 2 – Via Telephone

March 12th, 2006
Categories: By Phone, First Contact

Some people are not adept at letter writing and would prefer contact via the telephone. This method has its pros and cons as does any method. If you decide that telephone is how you would prefer to communiciate initially, there are several points to keep in mind. Ask the person as soon as the conversation begins if this is a convenient time for them to talk. There could be someone nearby who does not know about the adoption in which case the person you contact may not feel free to talk. If they indicate that it is not a good time for them to talk, give them your phone number or ask when you might call back. One of the trickier aspects… [more]

Chris & Jan – A First Photo & First Contact

February 10th, 2006
Categories: By Phone, First Contact

It has been said that “a picture is worth a thousand words". This photograph is one of the first photos ever taken of my son and I - and I treasure it and others that have followed! Our First Contact "Jan? It’s Chris" - those were the first words my son ever spoke to me. I missed the "mama" stage with my son; I was never around for him to call me that as a toddler. Nor, was I there for his teen years when having his mother around was probably the last person he cared to have around. Instead, he was nearly 32 years old… [more]