A Selfless Decision

September 17th, 2013

1350860_hand-in-handThe week of May 28, 2013, I received the estate file of my birth mother. I decided to try to locate the executor of the estate, thinking she could give me insight as to who my birth mother was as a person.  The executor I found on the internet had passed away, but her daughter was also a witness to the will.  I looked her up on the internet, and found her address and phone number. I called her and left a message. She called me back a week later. She told me I was a blast from the past. The daughter of the executor told me, "Your birth mom wasn't a bad person."  A lump formed in my throat.   She told… [more]

Reconnection Is Possible!

June 12th, 2012

1350860_hand-in-hand No matter where you are in the search and reunion process, it can be difficult to keep your head up and your thoughts positive. The reunion search can be a tiring journey, physically, emotionally, and mentally. And even though you may feel alone right now, you're not. There are many people out there searching, too. For some it can take just a few hours to find success. For others it takes years, even decades, to find that one person. Because reading success stories from others just like you can help you by giving your hope, motivation, and determination, here are just a few of the many reunion success stories. "I was informed at about 12pm one day that I had a brother that… [more]

Moving Forward as an Adult Adoptee

September 15th, 2011

1249882_halfway_to_heavenAdoption can be difficult for both adoptive and biological parents. The same is true for adult adoptees, especially those who have reached out and haven't had successful reunion experiences. If you're an adult adoptee and you feel hurt, betrayed, or depressed, there are ways to move forward and find happiness and contentment in your life, despite the choices of others. You may be angry because your biological parents placed you with an adoptive family, or because you wanted your biological parents to parent you instead of letting another family do it. You may feel lost or alone because your past is a mystery and you don't know your or your family's history. No matter your personal adoption experience, you can emotionally heal and… [more]

Adoption.com’s Reunion Registry Hits 400,000!

December 23rd, 2010

400,000Adoption.com's Search and Reunion Registry has hit 400,000 individual profiles! Across the United States, profiles of those looking for long-lost family members are consistently created, making the Adoption.com Registry the #1 online adoption reunion registry available today. With the ever-growing number of profiles, finding a family member is and will be a reality for many. Currently, an estimated 53.5% of the Adoption.com Registry users are adoptees searching for a birth parent or a birth sibling.  Adoption.com's next highest statistical grouping is birth mothers, at 23.3% of the online profiles. The rest consist of birth siblings, birth fathers, adoptive family members, and search angels-those who aide in reuniting and reconnecting searchers. Adoption.com reaches out and supports all those searching for family members… [more]

Mystery & the Adoption Experience

August 12th, 2009
Posted By: on Adoption Search

When Oscar Wilde wrote that "the final mystery is oneself," we can assume he was referring to an individual's ability to develop self awareness. He might just as well have been referring to the journey that many adult adoptees take when they undertake a search to discover their biological roots. Our greatest mystery happens to be ourself: a mystery created when adoptions were hidden, closed, disguised from the world. Whether by design or by chance, adult adoptees find themselves in a position to undertake a Sherlock Holmes-like voyage of discovery whose ending cannot be predicted. My search experience spans twenty years from my first request for non-identifying information until my first face-to-face meeting with my birth mother. Along the way, I encountered opposition… [more]

How to Reconnect at Reunion

May 29th, 2007

In some reunions, there is an instant and immediate connection. The other party may seem somewhat familiar. There may seem to be many common interests between the two parties, and often many similarities in personalities. The more like minded the two parties are, the greater the probability that they may feel an instant connection. Sometimes the two parties seem nothing alike. The person that they meet at reunion seems like a stranger, an alien. Nearly every belief that they have may be in opposition to the other party's beliefs. In either case, connecting on a deep level and building a lasting and fulfilling relationship takes some work. Here are a few suggestions to help connect with your birth parent or adult child: 1. Try to… [more]

How to Give Unconditional Love

May 6th, 2007

Whether your adult child at reunion articulates the need or not, they probably can benefit from unconditional love from you. However, I will begin with a warning to proceed slowly and cautiously. Providing unconditional love to your child may be scary for them and overwhelm them. In How to Support Your Child at Reunion I mentioned that unconditional love is one essential way to support your child at reunion. Here are some of the ways for birth parents to provide unconditional love: 1. Accept your child without reservation for the person they have become. A complicated set of factors made them who they are today. Since you had little input into their upbringing, they might not… [more]

How to Support Your Child at Reunion (For Birthparents)

May 4th, 2007
Categories: Adoptees, How to...

When there is a reunion between a birth parent and their child (adult or not), a child might need certain things from their parent. They may be able to articulate what they want or need. It is possible that they have some clear and concise gaps that they hope that their parents can fill in for them. These gaps might be as simple as answering questions, or they could be more complex. There might be some specific emotional voids that they expect their birth parents to fill. The possibilities are numerous. However, it is more likely that they are uncertain themselves what they might need from their birth parents. After getting to know their parent a bit, they might… [more]

Holiday Calls During Reunion

April 8th, 2007

At the beginning of reunion, I wondered how much my son would want to be in touch on holidays. I tried to keep my expectations low. However, once your child comes back into your life at reunion,you may be tempted to expect them to fit neatly into your life just like your other children. However, if you are being realistic, you know that the child that you did not raise will never quite feel like your child as your other children do. You may feel like his or her mother, but your relinquished child will rarely feel like you are their parent. That is natural and inevitable. Sometimes adoptees embrace their birth mothers and consider her another mother. It seems the exception and… [more]

Gift Giving Expectations at Reunion

April 4th, 2007
Categories: Issues, Reunion

Ah, yes, "expectations" can land you in a pickle all too often! Expectations are inevitable, but, unrealistic expectations can be problematic. I have heard many adoptees and reunited birth parents complaining about not getting appropriate responses to gifts. In fact, it annoys some people so much, they may decide to stop sending gifts at all. In most instances, I question the wisdom of that approach. Suddenly withholding gifts because you do not receive what you perceive is the proper response could trigger negative reactions that might seriously affect your reunion. When I first decided to send gifts to my son, I thought long and hard about my reasons and expectations. Admittedly, I discovered that part of my motivation was to get a reaction. Of… [more]