Conflicts About Searching

May 11th, 2006

When I was searching I am not even sure what conflicts I had. When I think about my search I didn’t have the tug of war emotions with my heart that so many adoptees have told me that they have felt. I always felt as if I really had to meet my natural mother and siblings to see why I look and act the way I do. I recall feeling the reject that could very well occur at the end of a search. I think that there are many natural mothers that have the same concerns and I recall just wanting to tell my natural mother that I am fine, that my adoptive family has been very good to me and that… [more]

Who Has the Right to Search? Part 1 of 3

April 7th, 2006

Is everyone "entitled" to search? Who “should” search? Is this a clear-cut issue? Do only adoptees have the "right"? Alternatively, should no one search? All of the people listed below may initiate an adoption search:  Adoptees;  Birth Parents;  Adoptive Parents;  Siblings; or  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, or other family members; There are many opinions as to who is entitled to search. Angela, Ukrainian Blogger,(Angela's Blog) brought to my attention a forum discussion mainly with adoptees who feel that birth parents should not search. She mentioned that many adoptees in the discussion were saying that they felt "The search belongs to adoptee". "And adoptive parents have no right to search for their 2 year old, 8 year old, etc.. child." So, who do… [more]

Reunions for Adolesccents – Part 1

March 19th, 2006

Dr's G's post about reunions and adolescents has emboldened me to discuss this subject as well. It is a somewhat controversial subject, but, hey, aren’t many of these adoption dilemmas? I know several birth mothers that either located and/or were found by adoptive parents before their children were grown. Reunions did occur in all of these situations. I was quite interested to hear Dr. G’s thoughts on this subject. The fact that she even considers the possibility of reunions before children are legal adults was encouraging to me. Her thought that reunions may go smoother if there is some sort of a logical plan sounded like a very positive concept as well. Guidelines for reunion are… [more]

End of Search Results

February 13th, 2006

Before you begin to search and/or as you are searching, it would be very wise to consider the possible outcomes. Then, try to determine if you are prepared for whatever you might find. Easier said than done, of course! Although you may prepare yourself extensively, some outcomes inevitably may still be quite difficult to accept emotionally. However, you will be better prepared if you have at least considered some of the possible outcomes. The end of a search can run the gamut. Here are some possibilities. You may find that: 1) The person you were searching for is no longer living. If this turns out to be the case, there are sometimes other family members or close friends that you might wish to contact. People who knew… [more]

Non Searchers

February 9th, 2006

The attitudes of those who don’t search is sometimes said to be a lack of curiosity. Those who decide to not search often say that they simply don’t think about searching and don’t need to. Some of these adoptees search later in life but what I have noticed is that the remain non committal or ambivalent about the prospect. Some are even very critical of those who do search. Since in my last blog, I wrote about the theories about the reasons for searching, I thought it would be nice to address the therioes about those who do not search. I believe that the sense of righteousness and loyalty play a part in the decision to not search. The adoptee may feel as if they don’t… [more]