Moving Forward as an Adult Adoptee

September 15th, 2011

1249882_halfway_to_heavenAdoption can be difficult for both adoptive and biological parents. The same is true for adult adoptees, especially those who have reached out and haven't had successful reunion experiences. If you're an adult adoptee and you feel hurt, betrayed, or depressed, there are ways to move forward and find happiness and contentment in your life, despite the choices of others. You may be angry because your biological parents placed you with an adoptive family, or because you wanted your biological parents to parent you instead of letting another family do it. You may feel lost or alone because your past is a mystery and you don't know your or your family's history. No matter your personal adoption experience, you can emotionally heal and… [more]

Triad Members who don’t want contact

March 6th, 2007

If you are an adoptee and have decided that you don’t want contact with your natural family I want to give you a few things to ponder. Under what circumstances would you want to be contacted? Would you want your natural family to contact you if there is important medical information you should know about? Would you want to be contacted if you have been named as a beneficiary in a natural relative will? Would you want to be contacted if there is a particular person you would like to hear from or have news from? If you chose to not be contacted but would like to be contacted under certain circumstances then you need to make your wishes be known… [more]

Rejection – Now What?

October 4th, 2006

For some, when there adoption search is completed, they find rejection. Rejection can feel like a knife in the heart. It can feel like the end of a dream or that the rug has been pulled out from under you or that it was all for nothing. It is important to remember that much good has come from the experience and that you have found the truth. When someone is faced with rejection, I think it is human nature to react. The person being rejected may give away their own power, or buy into the perceptions of other people and their ability to clearly see the situation for what it really is becomes clouded. Moving forward is important to know what… [more]

Why Some Birth Mom Refuse Contact – Part 2

May 16th, 2006

Continuing on from Part 1 which listed what some birth moms at reunion may fear:  Contact with her child might seem a betrayal to the adoptive parents;  Being in touch with her child is unfair to the parents that raised her child;  What the neighbors may think if they find out. Yes, even now, some birth mothers worry about how others will judge her. By the way, I am not saying that I agree with or believe that these are logical reasons, I definitely do not. There are other possibilities as to why a birth mother refuses contact, however, I can only guess. I have never met a birth mom who refused contact, or even spoken to one who did. While I know that… [more]

Why Some Birth Moms Refuse Contact – Part 1

May 16th, 2006

What do you say to an adoptee whose birth mother has refused any contact after having been found? I do not believe that you should dismiss the hurt that this may cause them. Nor should you tell them it is not important; they are entitled to feel as they do. For many adoptees, connecting with their birth mother means a lot to them. Therefore, it is hurtful when contact is refused. Do not try to talk them out of their feelings, but help them understand. How do you explain what factors motivate a birth mom to refuse contact? There are no easy answers. Unless you personally know the birth mom in question, you can really only speculate as to her decision to… [more]

Birth Mothers – Rejection by Adoptees

April 28th, 2006

Some advocates of search and reunion tend to the minimize the possibility of rejection by the found party. Initially, when I entered the search and reunion world, the mantra was that rejection is rare. I understand that to support those searching, some may want to downplay the possibility of rejection. Acceptance is more common. However, I have encountered more rejections than I expected given how rare I was told that rejections actually occur. While I do not want to scare anyone with the possibility of rejection; I do believe that it is best to be forwarned that it might happen. Doesn't mean that it won't still hurt if it does happen to you though. One of my closest birth mom friends found her son… [more]