Issues

Mother’s Day was always a time of year I would wonder about my biological mother. When I was younger I knew I was adopted but didn’t know details, like my parents’ names or birthdays, so Hallmark Holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually were what would trigger reflection for me. Growing up, when I would think about my mother (biological) I would wonder many things. What did she look like? What did her voice sound like? Did she think about me too? Did she remember my birthday? Did she still love me? Did she regret the choice she made? There was a point in my life that I even went as far as writing a fictional story about… [more]

No matter where you are in the search and reunion process, it can be difficult to keep your head up and your thoughts positive. The reunion search can be a tiring journey, physically, emotionally, and mentally. And even though you may feel alone right now, you're not. There are many people out there searching, too. For some it can take just a few hours to find success. For others it takes years, even decades, to find that one person. Because reading success stories from others just like you can help you by giving your hope, motivation, and determination, here are just a few of the many reunion success stories. "I was informed at about 12pm one day that I had a brother that… [more]

There are moments in life that can change all that you thought to be true. It happens in the blink of an eye and often, without any warning. It may be a choice you make, a thought you have, a new person coming in to, or leaving your life, possibly a choice someone else makes for you, or even in their own lives. As far as my adoption story is concerned, I've had two of these moments. The first came in the form of a kick. I can still remember the first time I felt my daughter kick in my belly. Out of nowhere, there she was, and out of nowhere, I thought of a woman who I'd never met, a woman… [more]

Adoption can be difficult for both adoptive and biological parents. The same is true for adult adoptees, especially those who have reached out and haven't had successful reunion experiences. If you're an adult adoptee and you feel hurt, betrayed, or depressed, there are ways to move forward and find happiness and contentment in your life, despite the choices of others. You may be angry because your biological parents placed you with an adoptive family, or because you wanted your biological parents to parent you instead of letting another family do it. You may feel lost or alone because your past is a mystery and you don't know your or your family's history. No matter your personal adoption experience, you can emotionally heal and… [more]

Has searching in the newspaper archives brought you to an obituary? Has the funeral home in the obituary provided you with additional information that helps to confirm for you that you have found your natural mother? Have you contacted a natural family member and confirmed that your natural mother is deceased? Finding a grave…this can be one of the most difficult things that you have to deal with in our life. You will learn, grow, and heal from the experience. It seems like I have been reading a lot of stories lately that searches have ended with a grave. I found a grave almost fourteen years ago. Speaking for myself I found peace in my natural mother’s… [more]

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. Dorothy Thompson Even the title of this article might cause some adoptees to get their feathers ruffled. They might believe that it insinuates that everyone should search. As much as I am in favor of searches, I do not believe in forcing someone who does not want to search. Although I support search and reunion wholeheartedly, I generally resist the temptation to suggest a search to someone. I might ask them if they have considered a search, but… [more]

If you are an adoptee and have decided that you don’t want contact with your natural family I want to give you a few things to ponder. Under what circumstances would you want to be contacted? Would you want your natural family to contact you if there is important medical information you should know about? Would you want to be contacted if you have been named as a beneficiary in a natural relative will? Would you want to be contacted if there is a particular person you would like to hear from or have news from? If you chose to not be contacted but would like to be contacted under certain circumstances then you need to make your wishes be known… [more]

Ever spoken to an adoptee who is searching? You might be surprised at how some people treat them. Although some social workers or clerks are very sympathetic and helpful, many people who have access to adoption records are are not known for being particularly kind. Some of the remarks that I have heard that adoptees receive are extremely sad. Several adoptees have told me that when they went to the adoption agency that handled their adoption they were told to come back later - when they were older. A few adoptees have told me that they went back several times before the agency would give them any information at all. Only recently, a young adoptee named Sarah told me that the agency that handled… [more]

It is funny how defensive some adoptive parents can be. I have a cousin whose daughter is adopted. This young adult (mid-late 20’s) is struggling in life. She has a lot of pain which is obvious. I have tried to talk to her adoptive parents about it several years ago and attempted to steer the discussion on the adoption side of things. I thought that I would try and explain the “primal wound” and that immediately turned the conversation off. She was adamant that her daughter didn’t have a problem with adoption and she was just having a difficult time with life and that she is seeing a therapist and looking into medical treatments. She just… [more]

If your child is very young and expresses a need for their birth family, how to handle the situation is more complicated. However, to summarily ignore their desires even at a young age is showing them that their feelings are wrong and do not matter. When extremely young children talk about wanting to meet birth family, you may not necessarily need to search or attempt a reunion. (Opening a closed adoption is a distinct possibility and a blog post about that subject is coming up in my first parent blog.)However, before proceeding, you need to try to figure out what is going on with the child. A young child may not need a reunion at an early age, they might just need… [more]