Of Pit Stops and Lessons Learned

October 21st, 2013

NEW STOP SIGNNo one likes pit stops. They slow us down in the race; make us feel like we’re losing ground. Stopping was never part of my agenda. But pit stops are necessary. They give us gas to keep going, maintenance to get there in one piece and often, errors in judgment are revealed so they can be corrected. These are the things that contribute to that ultimate victory. And such it is in life. Finding my non-identifying information turned out to be a three-part process that included two wild-goose chases. But each chase brought me closer to my treasure and in the process; I shed some emotional baggage while also gaining greater trust in the goodness of people. I had read… [more]

HEALING HAPPENS!

September 25th, 2013

heartThe ridiculed little girl spoken of in my first article for Adoption.com  began the inevitable course of growing up. Her emotions had told her, and sadly she had listened, that she was a ‘duty-child’, taken in by parents, particularly a mother, who wanted to show a small community that they were doing something good with their monies…giving back to the world that have given to them with such grace. Like most teenagers, she faced many obstacles, but chose to attribute hers to ‘being adopted’. She considered herself a victim of life rather than one who has victory over circumstances. This attitude negated gratitude, which lent her easily to building a wall of pride. The tall, thick wall did its job… [more]

A Selfless Decision

September 17th, 2013

1350860_hand-in-handThe week of May 28, 2013, I received the estate file of my birth mother. I decided to try to locate the executor of the estate, thinking she could give me insight as to who my birth mother was as a person.  The executor I found on the internet had passed away, but her daughter was also a witness to the will.  I looked her up on the internet, and found her address and phone number. I called her and left a message. She called me back a week later. She told me I was a blast from the past. The daughter of the executor told me, "Your birth mom wasn't a bad person."  A lump formed in my throat.   She told… [more]

My Biological Mother

May 15th, 2013

mothers heartMother’s Day was always a time of year I would wonder about my biological mother. When I was younger I knew I was adopted but didn’t know details, like my parents’ names or birthdays, so Hallmark Holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually were what would trigger reflection for me. Growing up, when I would think about my mother (biological) I would wonder many things. What did she look like? What did her voice sound like? Did she think about me too? Did she remember my birthday? Did she still love me? Did she regret the choice she made? There was a point in my life that I even went as far as writing a fictional story about… [more]

Reconnection Is Possible!

June 12th, 2012

1350860_hand-in-hand No matter where you are in the search and reunion process, it can be difficult to keep your head up and your thoughts positive. The reunion search can be a tiring journey, physically, emotionally, and mentally. And even though you may feel alone right now, you're not. There are many people out there searching, too. For some it can take just a few hours to find success. For others it takes years, even decades, to find that one person. Because reading success stories from others just like you can help you by giving your hope, motivation, and determination, here are just a few of the many reunion success stories. "I was informed at about 12pm one day that I had a brother that… [more]

Moments of Change

September 23rd, 2011

cue your lifeThere are moments in life that can change all that you thought to be true. It happens in the blink of an eye and often, without any warning. It may be a choice you make, a thought you have, a new person coming in to, or leaving your life, possibly a choice someone else makes for you, or even in their own lives. As far as my adoption story is concerned, I've had two of these moments. The first came in the form of a kick. I can still remember the first time I felt my daughter kick in my belly. Out of nowhere, there she was, and out of nowhere, I thought of a woman who I'd never met, a woman… [more]

Moving Forward as an Adult Adoptee

September 15th, 2011

1249882_halfway_to_heavenAdoption can be difficult for both adoptive and biological parents. The same is true for adult adoptees, especially those who have reached out and haven't had successful reunion experiences. If you're an adult adoptee and you feel hurt, betrayed, or depressed, there are ways to move forward and find happiness and contentment in your life, despite the choices of others. You may be angry because your biological parents placed you with an adoptive family, or because you wanted your biological parents to parent you instead of letting another family do it. You may feel lost or alone because your past is a mystery and you don't know your or your family's history. No matter your personal adoption experience, you can emotionally heal and… [more]

Information Leading to a Grave

April 5th, 2007

Has searching in the newspaper archives brought you to an obituary? Has the funeral home in the obituary provided you with additional information that helps to confirm for you that you have found your natural mother? Have you contacted a natural family member and confirmed that your natural mother is deceased? Finding a grave…this can be one of the most difficult things that you have to deal with in our life. You will learn, grow, and heal from the experience. It seems like I have been reading a lot of stories lately that searches have ended with a grave. I found a grave almost fourteen years ago. Speaking for myself I found peace in my natural mother’s… [more]

Why Adoptees are Afraid to Search

April 2nd, 2007

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. Dorothy Thompson Even the title of this article might cause some adoptees to get their feathers ruffled. They might believe that it insinuates that everyone should search. As much as I am in favor of searches, I do not believe in forcing someone who does not want to search. Although I support search and reunion wholeheartedly, I generally resist the temptation to suggest a search to someone. I might ask them if they have considered a search, but… [more]

Triad Members who don’t want contact

March 6th, 2007

If you are an adoptee and have decided that you don’t want contact with your natural family I want to give you a few things to ponder. Under what circumstances would you want to be contacted? Would you want your natural family to contact you if there is important medical information you should know about? Would you want to be contacted if you have been named as a beneficiary in a natural relative will? Would you want to be contacted if there is a particular person you would like to hear from or have news from? If you chose to not be contacted but would like to be contacted under certain circumstances then you need to make your wishes be known… [more]