Things to Think About

Mother’s Day was always a time of year I would wonder about my biological mother. When I was younger I knew I was adopted but didn’t know details, like my parents’ names or birthdays, so Hallmark Holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually were what would trigger reflection for me. Growing up, when I would think about my mother (biological) I would wonder many things. What did she look like? What did her voice sound like? Did she think about me too? Did she remember my birthday? Did she still love me? Did she regret the choice she made? There was a point in my life that I even went as far as writing a fictional story about… [more]

There are moments in life that can change all that you thought to be true. It happens in the blink of an eye and often, without any warning. It may be a choice you make, a thought you have, a new person coming in to, or leaving your life, possibly a choice someone else makes for you, or even in their own lives. As far as my adoption story is concerned, I've had two of these moments. The first came in the form of a kick. I can still remember the first time I felt my daughter kick in my belly. Out of nowhere, there she was, and out of nowhere, I thought of a woman who I'd never met, a woman… [more]

Reuniting with your family members can be a difficult and arduous journey. For some, the search is simple, quick, and easy. For others, it is a process-a long process, at that. Whether hiring a private detective is the first option on your list or the last option, here are some common questions to inquire about before settling on one private detective over another. What resources will be used? Find out what methods he or she regularly employs to get the job done. Are you comfortable with all the methods or resources that may be used? Your private investigator should be able to talk in depth about each resource. Not only should you be comfortable with it, he or she should also be confident… [more]

Search and reunion can be exciting and confusing times. Having some idea of what to expect, and how to handle various situations can be extremely helpful. 1) If you choose to make your first contact by mail, be certain that your letter is vague and non-revealing. You do not know who knows about the adoption, and it is best to let the found party control who they tell and when… [more]

The two part blog series I wrote in February talks about the different types of DNA tests that can be utilized in your adoption search. Before you turn to DNA testing to help uncover your natural ancestry you first should probably learn some basics. Each individual’s physical traits and characteristics are determined from our genes and our chromosomes hold our genetic material and carry genetic information in long strands of DNA called genes. DNA acts as a blue print for creating a human being. Each pair of chromosomes are made up of one chromosome that is inherited from the father and one from the mother. So, in adoption when you wonder why your eyes are a certain color or your hair… [more]

Recently someone asked me a few questions about being contacted by an intermediary on behalf of someone they were separated from through adoptions a few decades ago. This initial contact left this person with lump in her stomach and she felt as if her world was turned upside down She also had a sense of relief and excitement. She had a variety of feelings surface from elation to sadness, joy to anger, along with a high level o f anxiety and an overwhelming need to have immediate contact. In general it is safe to say that the person who searches is more ready for and more prepared for reunion than the person who is found. The searcher has been actively thinking… [more]

The last day of 2006, what a whirlwind of a year this has been for me! As the old year ends, I cannot help but marvel at all that I have learned. Throughout the year about, I have seen the amazing resilency and resourcefulness of those separated by adoption. The dogged determination and strong desire to reunite in many separate family members continues to amaze me with each new story that I uncover. The opportunity to watch and hear stories of search and reunions has been an exciting one for me. As reunions increase and become more frequent, more research increases into the whole phenomenon of closed adoptions. Thankfully, as a society we are becoming increasingly aware that closed adoptions are fraught with the… [more]

This photo is one that I took a few years ago in Paris. Don't ask what it has to do with the subject of this blog - there is no correlation. I just liked this photo and wanted to use it! Our new adoptee blogger Jupe is not an anguished adoptee who blames every problem or issue in her life on her adoption. In fact, in her past few blogs she has said that she is hard pressed to identify issues that are specific to adoption (or words to that effect.) I commented that I do believe that there are some issues that are unique to adoptees. Jupe's response is below. I would be really interested to know more specifically what you think some of those unique… [more]

For anyone who celebrates the holiday, Merry Christmas! If you celebrate another holiday, I wish you good wishes for whatever holiday you do celebrate. Some suggestions have been offered for Christmas presents for triad members. As a reunited mother, I have thought what could have made a difference to me over the years when my son and I were still apart. Photos and information about him would have been welcomed and cherished. However, I think that best present that anyone can ever give a birth/first mother is contact with her child. My son gave me that gift when he found me over five years ago. I am convinced that nothing else could have ever provided me with the sense of peace that I now… [more]

On Thanksgiving Day, my son Chris called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving. (I know that it is nearly Christmas, but I am way behind.) We chatted for awhile and he told me about the gathering of family on turkey day in his part of the country. The family group sounded fairly large this year. It included Chris, his brother and financee, his brother's child, their mom (adoptive), their dad (divorced from the mom)and his brother's birth mom and a few others. It was funny when he mentioned that his brother's birth mom was invited. He quickly mentioned it was because she lived in the same city. Think it occurred to him that I might feel slighted because I was not invited - maybe… [more]