Search

October 17th, 2012

reunionI have known for as long as I can remember that I was adopted. I don’t remember the specifics of my adoptive parents telling me, I just know they were always open with me about it and supportive of my decision whether to search for my birth family or not. My mom always told me she would go with me to look for my birth family and meet them if I had the opportunity. Due to my adoption being a closed adoption the only information I had to go on was the details my parents told me about the paperwork that my adoption agency gave them at the time of my adoption (paperwork my birth mother had filled out up to the time… [more]

Reconnection Is Possible!

June 12th, 2012

1350860_hand-in-hand No matter where you are in the search and reunion process, it can be difficult to keep your head up and your thoughts positive. The reunion search can be a tiring journey, physically, emotionally, and mentally. And even though you may feel alone right now, you're not. There are many people out there searching, too. For some it can take just a few hours to find success. For others it takes years, even decades, to find that one person. Because reading success stories from others just like you can help you by giving your hope, motivation, and determination, here are just a few of the many reunion success stories. "I was informed at about 12pm one day that I had a brother that… [more]

Moments of Change

September 23rd, 2011

cue your lifeThere are moments in life that can change all that you thought to be true. It happens in the blink of an eye and often, without any warning. It may be a choice you make, a thought you have, a new person coming in to, or leaving your life, possibly a choice someone else makes for you, or even in their own lives. As far as my adoption story is concerned, I've had two of these moments. The first came in the form of a kick. I can still remember the first time I felt my daughter kick in my belly. Out of nowhere, there she was, and out of nowhere, I thought of a woman who I'd never met, a woman… [more]

When Adoptive Parents Help Search

April 10th, 2007

Change comes slowly in adoption, but attitudes about certain issues do eventually take some positive turns. How adoptive parents feel about their children searching is one of those issues where a positive change in direction has definitely occurred over the years. In the past, not too many adoptive parents seemed to support the idea of their children searching. In fact, I would venture to say that ten to twenty years ago, few adoptive parents would have supported their child's desire to search. Virtually no one supported searches a few decades ago, with a few exceptions. Many adoptive parents were petrified at the thought, partially because they were told that if they did their jobs right, their child would have no need to search. Now, the… [more]

Stand Back – Adoptive Parents at Reunion

March 6th, 2007

Some adoptive parents are heard to say, "What about me?" at reunion. Reunion is not about adoptive parents. It is not for their benefit, nor are they the main characters in a reunion. During a reunion, they play a minor role. I believe that it is crucial for adoptive parents to understand and accept that reunion is not a time for them to be center of attention. Most adoptive parents understand this. Want to give your child a priceless gift at reunion? Unless asked to participate, stand back and let the reunion develop between your child and their birth parent(s). It is important to understand that the main focus of a reunion should be between the two main parties – the parent… [more]

How to Encourage a Search

January 13th, 2007

As an adoptive mom - I'd love to also hear what we can do to encourage our children to search if they'd like to. And how we can be supportive of that process (help, sounding board, etc). The best way that an adoptive mom can encourage their child to search if they decide someday that they want to is let them know that: 1) If they decide to search that you will support them; 2) Searching is entirely normal; 3) You understand their need to search; 4) You will still love them if they search; 5) You are strong and mature enough to handle the news of a search without bursting into tears and asking what you did wrong. 6) You will not feel a search is an indication… [more]

What to do if Your Child Wants to Search – Part 2

January 11th, 2007

Support them, that's what you do if your child wants to search. Finally, I have a simple, straight forward response for a question! If your child - adult or minor - wants to search, provide all the support and encouragement that you can muster. If the thought of your adopted child searching strikes terror in your heart, keep in mind that it probably hits your child that way too. They will need your support maybe more than any other time in their life. Wimpy, insecure people rarely search. The whole thought of facing possible rejection is simply too intimidating for many people. People who search are curious risk-takers, and taking risks is scary. The notion that secure and strong people search is a… [more]