Of Pit Stops and Lessons Learned

October 21st, 2013

NEW STOP SIGNNo one likes pit stops. They slow us down in the race; make us feel like we’re losing ground. Stopping was never part of my agenda. But pit stops are necessary. They give us gas to keep going, maintenance to get there in one piece and often, errors in judgment are revealed so they can be corrected. These are the things that contribute to that ultimate victory. And such it is in life. Finding my non-identifying information turned out to be a three-part process that included two wild-goose chases. But each chase brought me closer to my treasure and in the process; I shed some emotional baggage while also gaining greater trust in the goodness of people. I had read… [more]

To Search or Not To Search

April 19th, 2013

I wrestled with the notion of searching for my birth family throughout much of my formative years. My adoptive parents always told me they would support a desire to search and do whatever would be necessary to assist me in this process.  During my younger years, I could not imagine ever wanting to know my biological parents. After all, they had given me away so why would I want to know them - and more importantly, they obviously did not want to know me. In my early teens, a life shattering event occurred that started to change my thinking.  When I was 14 years old my adoptive father died suddenly leaving me with a hole in my soul and a longing for something… [more]

Search

October 17th, 2012

reunionI have known for as long as I can remember that I was adopted. I don’t remember the specifics of my adoptive parents telling me, I just know they were always open with me about it and supportive of my decision whether to search for my birth family or not. My mom always told me she would go with me to look for my birth family and meet them if I had the opportunity. Due to my adoption being a closed adoption the only information I had to go on was the details my parents told me about the paperwork that my adoption agency gave them at the time of my adoption (paperwork my birth mother had filled out up to the time… [more]

Reconnection Is Possible!

June 12th, 2012

1350860_hand-in-hand No matter where you are in the search and reunion process, it can be difficult to keep your head up and your thoughts positive. The reunion search can be a tiring journey, physically, emotionally, and mentally. And even though you may feel alone right now, you're not. There are many people out there searching, too. For some it can take just a few hours to find success. For others it takes years, even decades, to find that one person. Because reading success stories from others just like you can help you by giving your hope, motivation, and determination, here are just a few of the many reunion success stories. "I was informed at about 12pm one day that I had a brother that… [more]

Moments of Change

September 23rd, 2011

cue your lifeThere are moments in life that can change all that you thought to be true. It happens in the blink of an eye and often, without any warning. It may be a choice you make, a thought you have, a new person coming in to, or leaving your life, possibly a choice someone else makes for you, or even in their own lives. As far as my adoption story is concerned, I've had two of these moments. The first came in the form of a kick. I can still remember the first time I felt my daughter kick in my belly. Out of nowhere, there she was, and out of nowhere, I thought of a woman who I'd never met, a woman… [more]

Moving Forward as an Adult Adoptee

September 15th, 2011

1249882_halfway_to_heavenAdoption can be difficult for both adoptive and biological parents. The same is true for adult adoptees, especially those who have reached out and haven't had successful reunion experiences. If you're an adult adoptee and you feel hurt, betrayed, or depressed, there are ways to move forward and find happiness and contentment in your life, despite the choices of others. You may be angry because your biological parents placed you with an adoptive family, or because you wanted your biological parents to parent you instead of letting another family do it. You may feel lost or alone because your past is a mystery and you don't know your or your family's history. No matter your personal adoption experience, you can emotionally heal and… [more]

Have You Established Contact? Do You Want to?

January 25th, 2010

967211_magnifying_glassThere are many of you out there who want to begin your search for reconnection—or at least have thought about it. It can be a scary thing to think about. It is full of unknowns and mystery. And because the reconnection journey can be so long and arduous, just the mere thought can be completely overwhelming. For those who have already reconnected or are currently in the thick of reconnecting, you understand what others are going through. That’s one reason it is important to be a support to others in similar situation. Use your story and your experience to guide, instruct, and inform others. Some of those who are searching don’t know how to get started or how to continue. This is where… [more]

When Adoptive Parents Help Search

April 10th, 2007

Change comes slowly in adoption, but attitudes about certain issues do eventually take some positive turns. How adoptive parents feel about their children searching is one of those issues where a positive change in direction has definitely occurred over the years. In the past, not too many adoptive parents seemed to support the idea of their children searching. In fact, I would venture to say that ten to twenty years ago, few adoptive parents would have supported their child's desire to search. Virtually no one supported searches a few decades ago, with a few exceptions. Many adoptive parents were petrified at the thought, partially because they were told that if they did their jobs right, their child would have no need to search. Now, the… [more]

Stand Back – Adoptive Parents at Reunion

March 6th, 2007

Some adoptive parents are heard to say, "What about me?" at reunion. Reunion is not about adoptive parents. It is not for their benefit, nor are they the main characters in a reunion. During a reunion, they play a minor role. I believe that it is crucial for adoptive parents to understand and accept that reunion is not a time for them to be center of attention. Most adoptive parents understand this. Want to give your child a priceless gift at reunion? Unless asked to participate, stand back and let the reunion develop between your child and their birth parent(s). It is important to understand that the main focus of a reunion should be between the two main parties – the parent… [more]

Reunions – What to Expect

February 8th, 2007

There are so many trite comments one could make about what to expect in an adoption reunion - "Expect the unexpected," is one that I particularly believe is appropriate. Reunions are as varied as the two parties involved in them. Each party comes to reunion with their own personality, issues and expectations. Rarely are both parties on exactly the same page. In fact, in the beginning of reunion, it is often quite difficult to figure out exactly how the other party does see the relationship. Many complex elements are involved in an adoption reunion that might make the relationship seem like no other relationship you have ever had. In many ways, reunion relationships have such different dynamics that they may be quite different… [more]