October 6th, 2013

NEW CRACK IN WALLAh, Readers! Bear with me, please, as I get my feet beneath me navigating the site! Having been given permissions to blog in several categories here, I found in retrospect that I had posted under 'adoptee' rather than here under "Adoption Search''.  Please read the posts at the links given as they really do give the MOST important things to do prior to beginning a search. Here are the links: "Again and Again I Say, Prepare!" ; "Avoiding the Undertow". In an upcoming article, (not here in the blog section), you will read of my "Box Full of Matches". This is like a tool box, with each match… [more]


September 25th, 2013

heartThe ridiculed little girl spoken of in my first article for  began the inevitable course of growing up. Her emotions had told her, and sadly she had listened, that she was a ‘duty-child’, taken in by parents, particularly a mother, who wanted to show a small community that they were doing something good with their monies…giving back to the world that have given to them with such grace. Like most teenagers, she faced many obstacles, but chose to attribute hers to ‘being adopted’. She considered herself a victim of life rather than one who has victory over circumstances. This attitude negated gratitude, which lent her easily to building a wall of pride. The tall, thick wall did its job… [more]

My Biological Mother

May 15th, 2013

mothers heartMother’s Day was always a time of year I would wonder about my biological mother. When I was younger I knew I was adopted but didn’t know details, like my parents’ names or birthdays, so Hallmark Holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually were what would trigger reflection for me. Growing up, when I would think about my mother (biological) I would wonder many things. What did she look like? What did her voice sound like? Did she think about me too? Did she remember my birthday? Did she still love me? Did she regret the choice she made? There was a point in my life that I even went as far as writing a fictional story about… [more]

To Search or Not To Search

April 19th, 2013

I wrestled with the notion of searching for my birth family throughout much of my formative years. My adoptive parents always told me they would support a desire to search and do whatever would be necessary to assist me in this process.  During my younger years, I could not imagine ever wanting to know my biological parents. After all, they had given me away so why would I want to know them - and more importantly, they obviously did not want to know me. In my early teens, a life shattering event occurred that started to change my thinking.  When I was 14 years old my adoptive father died suddenly leaving me with a hole in my soul and a longing for something… [more]

Moments of Change

September 23rd, 2011

cue your lifeThere are moments in life that can change all that you thought to be true. It happens in the blink of an eye and often, without any warning. It may be a choice you make, a thought you have, a new person coming in to, or leaving your life, possibly a choice someone else makes for you, or even in their own lives. As far as my adoption story is concerned, I've had two of these moments. The first came in the form of a kick. I can still remember the first time I felt my daughter kick in my belly. Out of nowhere, there she was, and out of nowhere, I thought of a woman who I'd never met, a woman… [more]

Deciding to Search

August 13th, 2009
Posted By: on Adoption Search

As an adoptee who had a relatively uneventful childhood, searching for my birthparents wasn't a consuming goal for me growing up. I had a natural curiosity regarding obvious biological things: did anyone look like me, where did my blue eyes come from, who could I blame for this skin that burns in the slightest sun? Sometimes I would fantasize about how different my life might have been if I had been raised by my biological family or wonder if I had any siblings. As I became an older teenager, I developed a persistent concern that I might accidentally fall in love with a biological relative, heaven forbid, and having seen a cover story in the Weekly World News, have a resulting love child… [more]

The Pros and Cons of an Adoption Search – Part 4- The Cons

March 22nd, 2007

What are other negative aspects of a search? Personally, I hate to hear when people forego a search due to worries of hurting either birth or adoptive parents. For birth parents, reunions can sometimes be very positive and help them heal. Most adoptive parents want what is best for their children, and sometimes that is an adoption search and reunion. Adoptive parents are less hurt if they understand the reasons and dynamics of search and reunion. Until you search and locate your child or birth parent, you cannot know whether the timing is the best or worst time for a reunion. If the timing for a reunion is not right for the other party, be prepared to wait for however long it takes them… [more]

Timing in Search and Reunion

February 19th, 2007
Categories: Deciding to Search

Like “location, location, location” in real estate, timing is crucial in adoption search and reunion. Although you may choose to search when the timing is optimal for you, there is no way of knowing whether the timing is right for the person that you are searching for. You cannot know, so you take a leap of faith and hope for the best. Since you do not know about the other party, you need to figure out when the timing is right for you and hope that your birth family member is ready as well. Although it helps to prepare yourself before a search, there is no magical perfect time. If you have a strong urge to search, the timing is ripe. Sometimes… [more]

Reasons Not to Search

January 22nd, 2007
Categories: Deciding to Search

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am a strong proponent of adoption search and reunions. When people discuss beginning a search with me, I try to provide as much information about the possibilities as I can. I cannot tell someone if a search is right for them or not, but I can give them a great deal of food for thought so they can decide for themselves. Only rarely do I question someone's motivation for a search. However, the truth is there are a few situations in which a search may not be wise. Expecting that a search will magically transform your life and resolve all your issues is not a reasonable expectation. Initially, a reunion may even complicate your life… [more]

Facing Our Fears

August 16th, 2006

Last night, my husband and I had a conversation where I shared a fear that I have with him. His response was that fears are based on assumptions and used the analogy of your in the woods and fear a lion….you assume the lion is going to attack so that is why you are afraid. I had no response and have been mulling over this thought process ever since. I think what he was trying to say is that I had to figure out is determine what my fear is based on. You can’t beat what isn’t real and you can’t overcome what is real if you won’t admit exists. Facing the fears based on reality helps to overcome it… [more]